Camera Roll Poem by Miracle Quist

let me show you
the colour of depression
so maybe you'll understand
why I sued to side
with death

For me,
She began with a shade
of loss & emptiness, the night
I awoke to the cold hands
of my sister frozen around my wrist. She forgot
to let to go when death
came knocking upon the walls
of her lungs.
she was just twelve.
so don't tell me
not to blame a God
who allows kids to die. Don't

she grew to a darker shade
of worthlessness when my insides
became the graveyard
that housed the souls
of my father's children - generation upon generations -
so don't preach family to me
for family is a golden casket
full of rotten meat.

yesterday,
when depression came
staring through the mirror
she whispered a thought
borne from loneliness. But you see

I smile, I laugh
but how can you know
that what lies beneath this sour-face
is a mess of ironies,
a tilted scale of pain, hurt, shame
& death.
how can you know
when you judge my happiness
on emoji & stickers;
the true agents of deceit.
you think you know
what I am for I do not know too
but yesterday, she showed me
she showed me
I'm a ticking bomb.

Five
Four
Three
Two
Cut!
One.
I bleed, I'm free.