He hides in shade behind a mask
Heart was shattered broken like glass
Downs what's left of a half empty flask
Been carrying a burden for a while
But you wouldn't tell by looks of his smile
From chaos struggles and strife
Confused with cross roads of life
now as a rhyming poem I don't really care what others say. I think you did a great job with this one. the rhymes are more complex. Not the easy love/dove or hate/fate cliche rhymes. I totally disagree with starting each line with a capital letter. I rarely do and also I can point out famous poets that also don't use that tired format. Sorry but poetry isn't about getting graded on capital letters and puncuation marks. You do though have to keep the same format going. If you use caps, do so the whole way. Never use a cap in the middle of a line. Decide what if any puctuation format you are going to use and stick with it the whole way. Honestly, I really like this piece! You did a great job. -Robin xoxo
You asked for feedback and as a poetry teacher I hope you don’t mind. I wish to commend you on your efforts at writing poetry. We all have been a beginner at sometime. With a few pointers you could be pretty good. In poetry we start each line with a capital letter even if it is not a complete sentence and we try to avoid run-on sentences. I have corrected your poem ‘Behind the Mask’ and made some suggestions for spellings. Keep writing, you’ll be glad you did. He hides in shade behind (a) mask Heart was shattered broken like glass Downs what's left of a half empty flask Been caring(carrying) a burden for a while But you wouldn't tell by looks of his smile From chaos struggles and strife Confused with cross roads of life Adeline
Great poem and true, so many of us carry this mask that covers the real pain we feel inside. Another beautiful poem Brandon!
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
I wrote this huge reply and it didn't post! This site is acting all silly today. I'll try again. First, I loved this one. I thought you did a great job using complex rhymes instead of the love/dove or hate/great tired cliche rhymes. The poem itself is really a great read. My favorite of yours! -Robin xoxo