At Long Last Poem by Standing in the Silence of Your Pain

I hold the bottle in my hand;
Thinking of him, his silence, his unspoken words.
The words now tearing me apart.

I've been ripped to shreds,
Tied together by the thin flicker of hope.
Hope now fading in the distance.

I considered it once.
It ended in a fight.
A fight to hold on, hold onto my life.

I dont wanna be a statistic.
I wanna be alive-be real, to feel.
Feel happy, not this aching pain.

I punch the wall, I punch my thigh.
I welcome the sweet, momentary relief.
Relief as emotional pain dies and physical
pain screams-its been revived.

The feeling ends to soon.
The pain i now love and welcomely feel leaves.
Leaves me crumpled on the floor-
yearning for more.

I struggle to move on,
Not give up my life.
Life that i wanna get out of my mind.

I wanna make him disappear.
To leave my mind, my heart.
My heart wont let him go, even though
its better for me.

I need to feel alive again,
No longer like a robot, like a person.
A person with hope and peace and
happiness.

I know what i need.
I need help, help fast. Help hiding away.
Away like everything else when i need it most.

She owed me bad, she was the first
i turned to.
Not once, not twice, not three times, but four.
Still i was left there, alone and ignored.

I knew who would listen.
A girl who would listen real well.
I knew she could help me for
she'd been here as well.

I dial her number.
I tell her my story.
My story of the bottle constantly haunting me.

I make a promise to her.
One i will keep.
Keep because it will give me my life back.

Im NOT a statistic.
That bottle is gone
I have hope, have peace, and even some
happiness.
At long last.