* An Unfortunate Vampire Poem by Irene C S ClarkHogg

Johnny was a vampire,
One of the ancient breed.
Some said, ‘They are born of woman,
But spawned by Satan’s seed.’

For seven hundred years he had roamed
The streets of London town.
He tasted blood from rich and poor
‘Till the authorities tracked him down.

Johnny fled to a northern city,
Where the tough Geordie folk abound.
He searched for a friendly graveyard,
And made his home deep underground.

Next night the vampire hunted,
Choosing a victim who looked meek
For his flight had left him starving,
So he was feeling tired and weak.

The young girl was slim and tiny.
The vampire thought he had chosen well,
When he plucked her from the night club crowd.
This would be easy, he could tell.

As they walked along the riverside,
Mary was tempted by his charms.
He kissed her brow, her cheek, her neck,
As he held her in his arms.

But she put her hand against her neck,
Where the handsome man had bit.
‘Hey, you can’t give me a love bite,
Or my Dad will have a fit.’

But Johnny was feeling so hungry,
He ignored the young girl’s plea.
So when he tried to bite again,
Mary lifted up her knee.

She hit him where it hurt the most,
Right on target, a proper job,
Followed by a neat right hook,
That smacked him in the gob.

Johnny sat down in astonishment,
While Mary legged it home.
He saw the remains of his broken teeth,
And gave an anguished groan.

He found a kindly doctor
Who fixed his broken jaw;
But now his hunting days are over,
And he drinks blood through a straw.