Bashyam Narayanan


A troubled mind - 1


The male mind in me, recently fallen to disgrace

It took nearly thirty years of twice-married life
For me to realize
That I have the masculinity not in my physique
But it is all in the mind only

It is also my understanding and felt-experience
That the attraction driven
Physical involvement and actions thereupon
Lead to a momentary satisfaction
Only to turn vinegary later

Further, advancing age
Does not allow an involved
Performance towards fulfillment of
The desires mooted by the stimulant

I feel that the sexual attraction in me
Is not abated
But sustained at the same level
As it was when I first realized that
I was physically matured

The turbulence of this quality of mine
Disturbs me so much that
I am weakly drawn to
The path of understanding myself
All my diplomatic skills
And other human relation experience
Fail me
To see reasoning
When it comes to attractive
Opposite gender

Till recently I was in peace and comfort
With my second wife
But now got drawn close to another woman
Who has greater appeal
And evinced interest in me
The masculinity in me drove into her
And I started being noticed by others as well
In intimacy even in public places
With this twice-married smart widow

Despite the fact that I have innumerable
Extra-marital affairs
My mind does not miss a chance
To indulge in such
Unhealthy thoughts
Whenever it happens that
I encounter a challenging beauty
All these leave me in guilt feeling soon after

Indian philosophers were quite aware of this
And scriptures repeatedly warn
Against indulging in sensual pleasures
And reorient the thought process
In seeking help from the divine
In pursuing noble thoughts and desires

Even great saints
Proclaim themselves as grave sinners
Probably because of
Such thoughts striking them
Though at far less a frequency
Than the way I frequent them

Having tasted, rather been indulged in,
All possible sensual pleasures
How I wish
The male mind in me
Ceases its domination
In my thought-creating process
And helps me stick to this
Latest commitment
And avoid similar embarrassment in future
For which this time I have to pay heavily
Losing my ministerial berth

Submitted: Monday, April 19, 2010

Form:


Do you like this poem?
0 person liked.
0 person did not like.

Read this poem in other languages

This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.

I would like to translate this poem »

word flags

What do you think this poem is about?

Comments about this poem (A troubled mind - 1 by Bashyam Narayanan )

Enter the verification code :

There is no comment submitted by members..

Trending Poets

Trending Poems

  1. Still I Rise, Maya Angelou
  2. Dreams, Langston Hughes
  3. The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost
  4. A Red, Red Rose, Robert Burns
  5. I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou
  6. Annabel Lee, Edgar Allan Poe
  7. If, Rudyard Kipling
  8. My Country, Dorothea Mackeller
  9. To A Mouse, Robert Burns
  10. A Winter Night, Robert Burns

Poem of the Day

poet Christopher Marlowe

It lies not in our power to love or hate,
For will in us is overruled by fate.
When two are stripped, long ere the course begin,
We wish that one should love, the other win;

...... Read complete »

   

Member Poem

New Poems

  1. My Night and Morning Crap, Norman Jin Shyr Wang
  2. Remember Me, Sammi Jorgensen
  3. A Mother and Her Teen.., Norman Jin Shyr Wang
  4. MY LIFE, Sammi Jorgensen
  5. When I Was Depressed, Hailey Stump
  6. Change, Sammi Jorgensen
  7. Stand up to them, Nicola Kelly
  8. Growing old sucks, Nicola Kelly
  9. Say, Hailey Stump
  10. Raindrops of my tears, Nicola Kelly
[Hata Bildir]