A Form Of Autobiography Of Mine Poem by Sweta Leena Panda

Once upon a time
The storms capture the earth and blow its mind
That time I just born as a sun shine
I born in morning
When sun already touch the feet of earth to shine
And all most all storm were ready to leave
This is autobiography of my life
What my mom elaborates me
My life is going to begin from here
When I born I didn't know the meaning of sorrow and pain
As I was the first child of my family
My life was beautiful when I didn't meet this world in deeper way
Then I grew up and started dreaming high
Just like few extraordinary girls present under this sky
I started to prepare myself for ready in every situation
A storm came and spoiled everything
Just like my life itself a new version of storm
My dream became like dream to become school topper
After that, I just treated just like an useless material
Which has no worth in this present earth
People started doubting on my existence and talent
What they once expected from me everytime
I ruined many hopes over me
Many started treating me like hell, who once loved me a lot
for them today i am nothing
Then for the first time I realize the world is SO MEAN
They love you, because they are getting benefit for you
If you become topper then they'll get more students
Otherwise who cares about you
There is no proper existence of a failure person
I forgot how to live a peaceful life
Many nights became sleepless
I still remember those days
When I was preparing for medical and plan to see as a doctor by myself
I usually made a small home for myself over my bed
As I love to read silently and alone even I stay in hostel
Every of my friends laughed at me still I love to live like that
Some break my house just like they feel it's looks wired and how I get light and fan
Still I manage to say, it is tolerable for the shake of my dream
At that time, I was careless
As my dream fever was overpowering their bouncing words
I just wanted to keep myself strong and ready for my bright future
A dream which could change my life
Then again something happened and again I failed to make my parents please
Everyone slowly slowly stop hoping on me
My friends started laughing at me
My teachers started show sympathy on me
My family members started scold me for dreaming high and wasting money
My parents still keep faith on me
That was my biggest support in my life
At that time, everyone left myside
I still remember, many night goes sleepless
And my pillow knows my story well
My brother and my father who silently open the door in night
Just to check what I am doing
Am I crying or sleeping
Even though I couldn't sleep I pretend to sleep
Then they keep books out of me and swich off the lights and left the room
As I was habituated with keeping my books with me as they turn my best friend
I couldn't sleep If my books were not on my bed
My friends called me psycho and my parents get irriated
Still I love my books more than anyone else
They are like my sleeping partners
I still remember when people laugh at me calling looser and high dreamer
I didn't have any answer to say
As they were right in their way
Some started calling me a fake topper and fraud genius
Still I was silent as I knew my time was against me
I had everyone still no one can see my pain inside me
Except few, those who see my struggle
These are that 3 people in my life
Which includes my parents and my brother
Still now also everyone blame me saying I didn't do my job perfectly
Those friends who laughed at me just because I didn't get medical
When they also didn't get they repent their mistakes, why I was crazy during medical timing
Some joined in private, some joined in private engineering and some married after a while
At that time I started excel, I got IIIT and some other better options
Which a kind of bonus to my life
Even though I loss anything still this little hope enough for my family
My family struggle a hard for me
As when I cry and live like dead
They couldn't bear that pain
In 12th I suffered from severe asthma
Even though I spend lakhs rupees in my education
All went vain due to health issue in last time
My time never ever supported me when I need it badly
Even during my medical exam too
I still remember my health issue just before 2 weeks of my medical exams
May people ignore these facts but those who live with me, they can't say No!
They see my pains and sorrows
I also don't know why always tragedy happens in my life during major points
Sometimes I feel like is it my karma effect or god has a different planning for me
Still I manage saying "God is not so blind"
Then again I move forward
My life is not less than any kind of dramatic life
It seems funny and sometimes very emotional
Whereas I live it. so I know it
For others it may seems full drama or fake
My life don't end there
I face hell lots of problem during my engineering time
For those mistakes which I never ever did
My mistake was LOVING OTHERS unconditionally
My mistake was helping others unconditionally
Then I became alone after giving everything to everyone
Even though they don't deserve
At that time in my face there were 2 things smile and silence
I never ever beg for any kind of help
As I never ever show myself helpless and week
I don't like to pretend myself as a dump and fool before my enemies
Still I did a blunder mistake but telling my life truth before everyone else
Through my life message in my blogging
Those who hate me they got the clue of my weakness
And they again hit me back with those points
Still I never ever lost hope to make my dream true
And my parents watering the plants of hope within me
They still have faith in my life and god
But they didn't know God is much cruel and sometimes he act like blind too
My parents are innocent and fool
That's why they again gave me chance to become scientist in my career
Again I failed and same story repeats
However now this time I come with different form
I joined in MBA,
At first I was bloody fool
Then I realize my mistakes in my life and realize that I was the murderer of self
Some people take my weakness seriously
And try to target on those points again
Some took my life issues in a different sense
They try to make my life hell
As it already
Some try to compare my life with my past life mistakes
Some try to tell me -
If you are not accepted in your past then you are also not going to be accepted anywhere else
Some people perception was too bad about me due to my weakness and my blogging
Finally I realize the bitter truth in my life
Being good and lovable person is a biggest crime
Get out of your comfort zone
And tell them your existence
A person is not bounds to tolerate same thing in different ways
My engineering issues based on LOVE AND HELP
Not rest of my life
I gonna change my whole DNA of my past mistakes
I realize the fact that
It's better to be a new version of self to make a better future for myself
My life has a simple rule
Treat me well, I'll treat you better
Leave me like worthless, I'll pretend you like I never ever meet you
I may lose my mind when I am in love
But my heart know for whom it should beat
People says heart cheats
My heart is stronger than ever
After a long time it learnt how to perform better
Now I fall in love with myself even more than before
As I realize that I gonna be my best friend till my last ever
I don't know who gonna come in my way
Still I have faith one day sun will shine in my life
I'll get LOVE AND SUCCESS, what I deserve
I believe Love is blind and I also believe in fairies too
I believe miracle happens and fairies also exist to make your life perfect living
I am also waiting for that day
When I'll get someone who deserve for my emotion
And I'll make my parents feel proud of myself
As their role in my life is remarkable and not replaceable
Today I see a different version of me and i proud of that too
I believe in this world if u are going to get what you deserve
Adapt the present world's new version
Otherwise you gonna lose the battle in your life
I am waiting for a new sun shine in my life with a new version of me
As I promise to myself, I am not going to tolerate anything less than I deserve
I am not born to tolerate everything what I get
I born to explore
In past I was innocent and fool
Now I am wise enough to fight my own battle
Now I realize the world is changing so better to change a new better version of self
This is my new version of autobiography
Waiting when my autobiography will turn into real version of me
One day I'll share my story, when my dream touch the castle
My memories may inspire many
And after that I never stop singing my life song
Wish! God give me chance to do this before my physical death
As I also don't know how many days left in my hand
If praying could solve my life problems
Then it could solve many untold problems of mine
Still I hide within me with a hope that one day God will help me to shine
He is not so blind
One day my untold story turn into a real one
I am waiting for that day when miracle will happen in my life

Now, just praying is in my hand