Matt Lewis

My nature is bleak
I am the way I am
The front faces outwards there is peace here
A surface of tranquil wax
...

I sit, I stare one thousand yards, i'm still
I'm still here, but not still, anxious, checking, waiting
I'm angry, empty, fighting thoughts
I don't give up, not yet, small hope
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Hollow, I have to fill this void.
Emptiness is sapping at my will.
Frantic clutching at straws to make it stop.
I'll do anything for it to end.
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I don't pay heed to my past.
I move and shift. Get my distractions.
At any cost I must carry on, never reflecting.
In the wake of my needs people collect their thoughts.
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I could lay here forever.
If only I could stop thinking.
I could lay here forever and rest.
My thoughts won't slow.
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Gutting, the feeling pulls my everything, my world down to my feet
Vision distorts, gaze narrows to a tunnel and the peripheral blurs
I used to know there was a way to leave this place
It's just me and what I can't shake here, the world spectates
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Solace isn't something that comes so naturally.
I'm searching for something cathartic.
Knowing myself will keep me at bay.
tearing down that which gives me peace.
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Thinking of a grid above a drain.
clotting blood sinks below it.
I Wash it away like my guilt.
Stains remain, they are here forever.
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Remember to trust your instinct.
People say words to create the necessary illusion.
Their actions speak louder but they cannot hear them.
I see them.
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I care
I care about your feelings
I dont want you to be sad
I dont want you to be sad because this makes me feel bad
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I exist in this shell somewhere
I used to function I used to be
Now I wait, I think, I torment
I'm being attacked by my existence
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Bleak, its dark, faded
My guiding light has gone
I navigate these dark streets barefoot
round every shaded corner broken glass
...