clawdea benat

I pay the dime that you spit
having me misunderstood for a long time
left out in the dark
while you are in the light
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i signaled my men
come come you're weary eye
wipe that tears from your hands
the storm will came, all the devils will die
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Reminiscing every heart of peace
I want to get back to that old clock
Has something strange that oranges can
Its just perceptions of a happy life
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I see now the reality
we just don't own the weight of this world
live up and just be happy
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I rarely come out from my closet
Would it took this far that it would heated?
My eyes were already crippled
Taken and unknown creatures has been living in here
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Is this or is this my last? I am hungry, hungry of an clear answer.
fate-where could i find my fate. Aha! Maybe it was already on an island and its waiting for me.
lastly but not just so sure.
Yes, we are but we àre not either.
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lift my head up to the sky
closing my eyes
rushing this question for an answer
veins keep still as blood flow vigorously
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The silence of the wind
the moving head of the chicken
hungry of the dog
in my grandpas's home
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Strangers on the east
Came from not the least
Stood a lightning thunder,
I sit in under
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Do you know what will be?
being easy to talk with me
saying things, assuming things
always a curiosity cat
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Something usual had happen
It has to happen cause that's the Hope,

My story has so many thorns of a roses
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Roses. An old woman i know has given me her roses she is selling.
And i was emotionally crying, my tears came out w/out telling.
That day suddenly i remembered something inspiring my friend nd my mentor.
Though even if it is all in the head. Still i am not bliss but blessed by the creator.
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What it's like in heaven?
I am a lost soul, swaying with the devil's curse
and then i heard a voice whispering in my head
''arose, arose, you filthy scumbag. i'm holding your breath and no one can take it away from me''
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Intense feeling, pressure rises
Riot in the heart, blocking the blood to pass
Snakes crawl everywhere, spread its venom
Could faith be lost?
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paranoia's breaking the rules inside my head
i creep. i crawl, i try to see, but everything in me just fall out
the streets are talking to me, the cars, these words i type. i got nowhere to hide. all eyes are on me, stressing me, distressing me, where i came from? my hands, cant see them crawling back to what life in me was,
i seeks heavens reasoning out,
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...

Suddenly, I was at the mountain in a hanging way to the top. I stop, I am anxiously having pain flashback again, -a vivid world inside my mind, I’m about to lose my body, it’s getting heavier. I couldn’t take what I am seeing. I tap my head and massage it slowly, crazy for thinking. I swallowed an ill dog. My medicine are gone, I need another prescription. But nobody helps. I am not allowed to just go there and get me a prescription pills. I only believe of miracles and a merciful one. My head, I cannot understand why I am writing an English language? I supposed to write my own natural language of my country. But then, I always have doubts, I was always choked by it and strangled. Then, I died, lost my breath screaming quietly for questions. In the end, I didn’t get much of the answer but I’m contented enough. I am fed up of whispers, caused it’s not one but many while being dead. And thought that I gave up, I surrender, and totally I want to sleep forever on my bed where I rest.
But I believe and have faith to my savior. Save the favor and clinging onto him. Guessed this is me, attached from my religion and its belief. I only remember me being committed to Christianity or sacredness of this unbelievable world because I don’t get about the issues. Maybe because of my own independent to society, I don’t want to get involve. Or any reasons to have war to them not peace. Because I like to be left alone in my own, never wanted to take advises weather to a fool or to an intelligent people that has more experience around them. i am not alone being like me, I always know I have the same kind spread around. And I can find them. They can find me.
Now I take medicine, because now it has changed me. Yes, to be a better person of my own attitude and ego. I never had regret, I had schizophrenia. I never regretted or it doesn’t hurt me. We all have issues during school year, vacation month and Christmas day. I was very poor, poor of being so happy or positive, poor of brain (before, it was always polluted of thoughts that I was in prison there) , I had not tried to protect myself, I am always thinking that I am a loser, loser that I am often the last to get good score, maybe because I am not thinking too suicidal yet that time, I was lucky I didn’t jump at the corner of shark’s territory to eat my whole me, though the challenges aren’t over from time to time.
There is always the highest goal to reach on, since I started thinking of my goal to have it one day. That, I shouldn’t give up in my life. Because when everything will fall apart I might lose my senses. I should keep on moving on with positive vibes and just too always smile every day. I promised to these in spirits now, which I shouldn’t let them down. They’re always watching so; there should be no barrier already.
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I lost all the hopes I had that you gave me.
I’m shrinking totally in a clouded dark sky.
Will you be there when everything got mess up?
I don’t know where I am I’m looking for an answer until now.
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at the core of the earth i stay still
at this life i keep running to where my destiny is
i got nowhere to go i got nothing to hide now
and all i see is scars of these pain and hurt
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i woke up on my bed in the middle of the night
the state mind of my head caress me to fright
long night to settle in this journey
of nightmare and humorous sympathy
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