Zoki Demirovic

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This Is Who I Am

6: 00. He stands in the hallway looking in the mirror wondering why. He swallowed a whole bottle of pills when the doctor only prescribed one a day

7: 00. The numbness overtook his body and he passed out. His mom arrived home at her normal time from work and found him lying in the entryway.

9: 15. He wakes up with IV's shoved in his veins and sees the tubes coming out of his stomach as they are pumping out the leftover pills. He is then forced to drink wet charcoal to clear out what was already absorbed into his bloodstream. The paramedics asked him why.

7: 42 am. The jocks are pushing him into the lockers for the 200th day in a row
Only to be met at 10: 00 where they gave him swirlies in the bathroom. The very same bathroom there was blood on the floor from a previous suicide attempt in 2 weeks earlier? ?

March 20 2012 was the day he finally worked up the courage to release his soul
To let his mother know he's not who she expects him to be
After growing up hearing her say homosexuals deserve to rot in hell. How she would disown anyone she found out was homosexual.

These words were like a boulder tied around his neck holding him back from telling his mother the truth.
He went and found a girlfriend to appease his mother's expectations that she forced on him with her hateful words. Dreading the day she would accuse him of being a bad person

Until one day that boulder burst and cracked open
5: 00. knowing his mom's reaction, he chose to meet his mom in a public place. Thinking it would soften the blow. He had a secret to tell.
And 2 words came out as his mother stared at him in silence
(pause)
"I'm gay."


After the awkward silence, she screamed at the top of her lungs.
"You homosexual. Go kill yourself! "
The horrifying words could be heard from the drive thru

By 6_: 15__ he's had swallowed 30 pills.
7: 00. Mom shows up. she freaking out calls the paramedics
9: 15 he wakes up confused that mom would come and saved him. Confused that people imply to be homosexual means to be confused. Now I'm confused. You told me this is what you wanted and yet you saved me. dizzy with expectations. Dizzy with nausea

Thinking why. Why are these emotions fighting with his mind. I just want to be free!
I mean, he just wanted to be free


How many of you have swallowed a full bottle of pills when the doctor only prescribed one a day?
How many of you have woken up with IV's shoved in your veins and tubes coming out of your stomach as they are pumping out the leftover pills making you want to vomit while tasting it 2 days later
How many of you have ever been confused?
I have.

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