Simon Townsend Poems

I watched a bird having a bath
A lovely sight for certain
Then with a fright she spotted me
And pulled the bathroom curtain.
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I gave my blind friend a cheese grater
A book he wanted instead
I wonder if he ever thought
It was the most violent book he'd read.
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Spare a thought for my dad's mum
Lost on her way to the curry house
Now she is missing
And so is my naan.
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The Commons Speaker got into a fight
Now look at the state of him.
Eyes to the left
Nose to the right.
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The doner kebab married the chipolata.
I can't wait to hear
the pitta platter of tiny meat.
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A crab stole my credit card
It grabbed it with its claws
For me it was chip and pin
For him it was nip and pinch.
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Never fall asleep with your head under the pillow
You may wake up with no teeth
But lots of money.
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Eric the Red was a Viking cannibal
He'd never eat an animal
But he could've eaten a Norse.
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