Zoroastrianism Poem by Moore Hope

I do not know how I can explain to you the way I really feel
I am afraid the truth would push you away that it would not appeal
I almost gave you my pseudo name so that you could read my writing
My heart was saying yes but my brain just kept on fighting

I know if you read my poetry then it would all come clear
The feelings that I have for you that are hidden in my heart so dear
But what if you are offended by these emotions that I feel
I promise I have never felt this way about anybody before that is how I know it is real.

So many opportunities in my life easily flowed my way
But I did not act upon them instead I strayed away
I knew that I was not that way I knew what I wanted to be
I wanted to have a family with a husband, kids and me.

So I pursued the life that I wanted and got the husband and the kid
But the relationship turned abusive and left me that he did
I was left a single mother with only a roof over my head
It was then that my heart stopped feeling any kind of love and love from me was dead.

I decided that I would be alone I could trust no one but me
I got back up onto my feet and finished my degree
I became the person I was told that I would never be
An intelligent independent woman with a career making her own money.

But the first time at work I saw you I knew we were destined to be
Some magical force of nature inside set my emotions free.
I have never felt this way about a person the emotions are so strong
But my religion tells me that the relationship I want is a sin and very wrong.

I knew that from the beginning like I said before I am not that way
But I can not explain these feelings for you that are growing stronger with every day
I only want to care for you to love you the way you should be
I want you to be happy, every need for you met by me

So I question myself then am I really gay
For I am in love with a woman but yet I do not say
I write it down instead hoping one day I will show
The poems that poured out from my soul the truth that she should know

Again my brain is saying no that it is a big mistake
For if I tell her the truth then our friendship I will forsake
I do not know what to do, I am confused and it is driving me insane
The longing that I feel in my heart the desire that causes pain.

I want so bad to tell you, but I cannot speak the words
Whenever I talk to you in person, I make no sense and sound absolutely absurd
That is because I am nervous there are many times I have to hold my actions back
For I find myself reaching for your hand to hold in mind giving me a heart attack

I withdraw my actions quick and do some other tasks
Things that take away the thoughts I have I put on many masks
I cover up from the truth that I know deep inside my heart
The religious beliefs that I have which is keeping us apart.

I only feel this way for you and not for anyone else
So what does that mean I do not know the answer for myself
I feel if I can not have you then I will definitely stay alone
No one can ever do what you did and revive my heart of stone

You made the heart beat again so strong that the encasing stone gave way
Piece by piece the cement fell down until it was gone one day
I try my best to give you hints of how I feel for you
I even text you my pseudo name secretly hoping that you would be able to encode the message thru

Yes I finally broke down, but in a way I do not believe you can figure out
I used the pseudo name in a sentence for Moore Hope and not for any doubt
But time will only tell if you can figure this clue that I did give
For now I wait for my destiny if I stay alone or with you I live.