Wistful Thinking Poem by Ivan Chizurum Ezeigbo

What am I thinking?
What am I doing?
Getting drunk in love
Love for someone with no heart
Love that annulled physically
But lingered spiritually
Love you annulled
That day you called me a fool for loving you

What am I thinking?
Everyday remembering someone lost
Someone I never found
One I never had
Insane; enveloped everyday in your presence
Yet, you are never physically there
You never wanted to
I tell myself that I am not stupid
There's no way you ever loved me

What am I thinking?
Drowned in sorrow everyday
Not knowing why I love you
Yet I do
But I'll have to let you go
While you keep those feelings in abscond
Maybe, we felt I was strong to fight for you
But you don't have to fight for what is yours
Then if you make me fight,
You were never mine

What am I thinking?
My heart is cold
Just to anneal that impulse for you
To ebb that urge for you
And forget you
All about you
That beautiful face, that killing voice, those weakening eyes
It's hard to let go, but I am trying
I am trying really hard
And it's hurting
But I am doing this for you,
So you would not have what you never wanted,
Me

What am I thinking?
After all, you are leaving
All that is left of you is the memory
The name, the books, the memoirs are gone
This needs to burn to
Just like every other thing
But when you are gone
I won't be afraid to love again
I'll never pray to see you again
I'll never remember your name again
I'll never call and I'll never care again
Because I'm not a coward
I never was, my love

What was I thinking?
No, am not a fool
I can't keep hoping for something that never can be
Can't you just let me go?
Can't you help me?
Can't you just fade away like the wind?
I don't want to suffer anymore
No, I don't want to
For all of that was just
Some wistful thinking