Where Are You This Time? Poem by James Darwin Smith II

I lost you
In darkened clouds
Full of moisture
And haze
On a spiraling wind
Blowing so strongly
Down and out


Memories, all I have
Are so many
Mostly cruel reminders
Of when everything came to life
Beaming full of light
Only to fade away
Into nothing but countless voids



This journey
How it pounds and pounds
This enduring psyche
Like a hammer full of thoughts
Searching for the nails and boards
To build something better
Each day of this current paltry sight


Yet, within it all
Somehow grows strength
Giving me confidence
Of how much everything
Is worth fighting for


So much effort though
Trying and trying and trying


Everything is so confusing
Yet, so sadly predictable somehow
Somehow, I see so far ahead
Maybe this ego is not letting me look



There are things that have to die
So I can keep hope alive


Lighting myself an adventure
With fiery passion
Looking past everything
The past, the present it all
Towards a future
Burning all negativity
Into a cemetery
With unmarked graves
Of things that should have
Never been delved on to begin with



Maybe if I keep fending off the pain
It will get bored of me
But then who knows
I might want it back
So I can confuse it more
Than it has ever been confused before



That for which might be dead
I wish to give it wings
So I can show it new heights
Into the shiniest of stars
Connecting for improvement
Giving myself a brand new life



If soul was over body
Then my love, how would you see me?
Would I be accepted?
Would ours be yours and mine?



Maybe this very moment is torture
Especially when beautiful dreams
Keep mocking me with such short spurts
Of wondering why they exist
While this heavy duration is full of pain
In the emptiness where these words reside



Maybe I was born to never make any sense
That is how I feel when I try so hard to express
Myself with all that I have
As I lay recovering from words
That I bled with so much force
All within my own effort in existing, somehow



Just a conduit perhaps
Pouring this river of feelings
Down into a waterfall
In a paradox
Where not many if any
Knows of its existence


My journey though
Will keep going on
It has to
I just have to toughen myself
And realize it is all about surviving



But where have you been?
And why am I always trying to be
Right there by your side?



Do you even care how I feel?
Or are things beyond even your own control?


I cannot judge
But would you stop
Being a jury of your own peering
Outside of me with no effort
Of knowing this true form
After all
All your eyes reflect to me is spite


To truly know me
Is to take a journey
Deep inside


Will you ever see me?
Where I feel the most personal control?



That is all up to you to find out
I suppose

Where are you at this time?


All alone
Always being wrong
And too far away from the right


"I suppose"...