* When It All Goes Pete Tong! Poem by Dee Wright

Damn this tong!

I wanted the perfection
of no knicker line

showing

and now, it's cutting me
to the bone.

I feel like a
piece of cheese

being cut in two
by a long thin wire!

Oh the torture
he mistakeningly reads
as passion

and now it's disappeared
...you know where!

I shift uneasily
trying to make it look
sexy.

I grin
(more of a grimace)
and smooth my hair.

I am thinking only
of me...'down there! '

He is probably too
but not in the same way.

He tells me
he loves my smile

...if only he knew!

I can grin
and bear it

no longer

excuse myself

walk agonisingly

to the loo

dump the offending
garment
in the bin.

Never again!

Saunter
back in

knickerless in a very short skirt
(better be careful of how I sit)

give him
a kiss

more out of relief
than anything else

and order
another
Rum & Coke.

Oh the agony
of trying to pull a bloke!