Wheel Of Chance Poem by JAMES T. ADAIR

As a sailor is asked by pirates to walk the plank
I feel hesitant

I never had let my mustache or beard grow
really it wasn't much worth growing
but it could not easily be shaved off
Sadly it was mixed with grey
I had taken all the flack..
'Oh..you look ugly'
'I hate facial hair'
'It makes you look older'
'where do you live...in a cave? '
'Jimmy....its Grey! ' (really, it wasn't all grey)
My father was most hurtful and alarming:
He told my mother 'See Dorothy, he's no good....
all those flowery cards that he sends you on the holidays....
you should tear them up because this is what he really things of you'
I know my father but even this came out of Left Field for me
I tried to say...I'm still me...(they were too busy criticizing to hear) .
but I didn't 'Cave' in... I kept it for a while
representative of some kind of change in me
I was trying to say...something is happening inside
but nobody seemed to figure that out
(OK anyone reading this...it is pathetic...have your laugh!)

I seem to know my life is headed on a collision course with something
It's been struggling for so long and is bound now to go one place or another
and I'm hesitant

So this morrning....for reasons unknown to me
I shaved
well actually the process was cutting some with scissors
some with an electric trimmer and the rest with a razor
Funny, I had not had facial hair long but I hardly recognized myself
and my baby soft skin and realized I don't like myself much.

Back to fate:

But I cannot change my fate...I can only be open to it and brave and true.
See my fate is changing for me. What exactly it is going to be....
is like spinning a big wheel of chance at the State Fair and just thinking
that your quarter on number three is likely to win you a Box of candybars
if the wheel stops on your number...exactly in the small red strip that says 'Box'.
Hoping...but knowing all along...you never win anything! !

Well I'm smooth faced again...hopeless...but resilliant
I no longer have any bright hopes or expectations
this morning....I don't really feel anything
but I'm going to have a Blueberry Bagle at Panerra's...toasted twice
with Raspberry Cream Cheese....and my own mix of 1/2 Hazlenut and 1/2 Morning Blend
coffee with a little half/half to lighten it. I can smell that coffee now.


© James T. Adair