What's The Word? Poem by Laura Cummings

When told to sum up the feelings I have for a person in
one word,
I found it impossible,
What is the word?
For so many different feelings all at once.
Both the best and worst person in my life.
Giving up your own happiness just to see this person smile
with sincerity.
Unable to withhold a giggle at the stupidest of comments,
It’s not that easy to make me laugh!
Yet everything said seems to hit the right nerve.
Untangling hidden thoughts with a few well chosen words,
not even realising how much I’m revealing.
At the same time being able to talk with total seriousness about things that matter,
Then going back to giggle at a silly sounding word.
Being able to be one hundred percent me,
like I’d always wanted to be…
Still, that’s not really true,
It's not possible to be one hundred percent you,
Because no matter the person there will always be some things better kept hidden.
Still unable to sum up this one word…
For loving and hating someone in equal amounts.
Feeling equal and yet helplessly falling below,
when other times you feel much higher above,
a much better person than that who you love.
No sound or sight for months and months,
both happier and sadder by this.
Though, most of the time it’s like a weight being lifted,
Able to walk with a bounce in step.
Being able to maintain this composure for only a week after friendship reunited,
Then back to square one,
a helpless cycle that can’t be broken.