What Is Formal? Poem by orangecat bluebandanna

Child- (to the parent) -What does the definition of formal mean?

Parent -Well, (pondering, massaging chin) well, lets check the dictionary for the definition.

(Grabbing for the dictionary from the book shelf, the parent opens it up, skims through the pages, then flips back a few, then scrolls the index down the page to formal, sits down and gestures to the child to sit on lap with the right hand, book in left resting on the arm chair….)

Parent (clearing throat, squinting eyelids) - formal, you pronounce it, for-mul. (acts it out with lips protruding outward, then into a hammock shaped smile.) the first definition says, “Being in accord with established forms and conventions and requirements.”

Child (quizzically) - what does that mean? I still don’t understand it.

Parent-(pantomime reflection of the child) , well that means (awkward pause) how everyone else appears. Like if your going to a social party, you dress according to how everyone is dressed. (Leaning back into his chair as if he made a valid explanation, grinning)

Child- well you always told me that I should always be myself, and that I shouldn’t follow everyone else.

Parent –(Recalling the exact words in the past) well its always good to be yourself, and not to follow everyone else, but in a situation like this, you have to follow the right crowd. You can’t go to a party in t-shirts and jeans, if everyone else is in suits and dresses. You would be too different in the crowd. You understand that?

Child (still puzzled) then what is the right crowd? The suits and dresses? Or standing out? I don’t have either a suit or dress, does that make me not formal.

Parent- well that doesn’t make you informal at all, (Rocking the shoulder of the child. Then thinking what could be the answer to the question) the right crowd is how the community gets along, what they understand together. The community is what decides is formal. So you would have to look further past the latter, (quickly) the way it’s used rather the definition.

(The parent becomes silent, then stares into the blank countenance of the child.)

Parent- you understand? If I decide that formal should be used as suits and dresses, the neighbor would have to agree.

Child- so does that mean if Billy is wearing a transformer shirt, and I am wearing ninja turtles, then should I have to change my clothes? (Ignites into a loquacious rant) I don’t like transformers, ninja turtles are so much better, they are reptiles who fight bad guys, transformers just have big guns, are huge machines, fighting bad guys too, but less cool. Donotello uses a stick and his brain to beat foot shulders! Those machines are just shiny looking cars, who shoot bad guys!

(The parent chuckling, interrupts the child softly.)

Parent- no. that doesn’t mean you have to change your clothes, you shouldn’t worry about transformers and ninja turtles being different, or how they get the bad guys. You should find a mutual, (quickly adjusting his words, again) an understanding, a sharing with one another, to look pass the way they work, but how they work for the same clandestine, (pause, thinking how to reshape words) they both want to get the bad guy, no matter what it takes.

Child- you lost me.

Parent (gazing at the floor, dictionary still in hand) what I am telling you, is that you don’t always have to be formal, but you have to be formal sometimes, and that’s when you find an agreement with the neighbor or Billy.

(Child still attentive, trying to cipher what the parent had said.)

Child- what if I don’t wanna be formal ever?

Parent (uncertainty flushes into face, massages chin) you can’t do that.

Child –(pugnaciously) why not?

Parent (irritate with words lost in how to explain) you just can’t ever be formal, you won’t have any friends, you wouldn’t be part of the community.

Child- (tears in eyes, ready to sob) what if I don’t want to have friends to be part of the ca-mmun-itit-e?

Parent (certain) well that’s when the law comes into play.