Well What Did I Expect Poem by Andrus Cassian

So here it is
the passing of a day
this dull Spring day
and the silence pollutes my thoughts
while the depression dips poison into my oxygen
It's cold outside
fitting weather for how I feel inside
for I am lost
I don't know what happened
but well what did I expect
to be held in high regard
constantly being waited on hand and foot
But well what did I expect
myself to turn magician
and allow myself to reappear in her presence
so the love I spoke, promised would be real
No...I don't know what I expected
but I never thought in a matter of weeks
I'd print off my retraction
and realize the words I said
were only exaggeration
for I have no actions to back up what befell my lips
while yet a voice from her remains unheard
And it all has me wondering
what have I gotten myself into
It just all crossed my mind at one time
a jumble of broken sentences
like I'm learning how to talk all over again
My feelings they were true
and hers, they were too
but time gave way to a wound unnoticed
but time gave way to a wound that bled too deep
leaving a portal open to the past
and now I'm that boy of old
not a man anymore
Just a loser
just one more loser breathing poison oxygen
or so it seems only in my tainted head
Well what did I expect
happy ever after isn't listed in my job description
I'm just a fickle, feeble minded
insignificant little ant
better yet, a rotting piece of tree bark
deteriorating with time
Her delightful, delicate, portrait features
makes me so sad inside
a deep shadow of blue decorating the depths of the ocean
Ocean, a song sung by Cold
reminding me I will never get her back
Was she ever mine to begin with
Never...
no matter how much I want her to be
or do I
I don't know
I was so sure before
but I'm so full of doubt and weary
that her spell has subsided
and I cascade down a single thread
of my lowly spider web
but I'm not weaving lies
I'm weaving a message
that says I love you
but I don't expect to be answered
I don't expect comments
I don't expect for these words to make any sense
I just feel so low
It all just hit me at once
but this is just one thing I'll never tell her
I don't want her to think I'm pathetic
I don't want her to think of me differently
I...I don't know
I'm just...
Well did I expect...