Vulnerable State Of Mind Poem by Dakota Ellerton

If I ever had to see someone I loved,
reacting to too much medication,
I think I'd forget to breathe.
I play it over and over,
such a sight.
What have I put the people I love through?
Covered in vomit,
I laid so helpless in my bed.
Soaking in sweat,
I felt so cold.
How many times would I have to do this,
before I could feel something else?
I'd start shaking,
tears dripping down my face.
God, why does thi shave to be so slow?
I want to die now,
right now.
It felt as if,
my heart was going to implode.
I couldn't hardly think straight,
though I never really have.
Trying to spew something,
that was never there,
reminded me too much of life.
I'd choke and coughm
trying so desprestly to stop.
My bodies falling apart now.
My knuckles are swollen and bruised,
I'm covered in open wounds.
When had I become so flawed?
I'm so full of fear,
not of death,
but for the ones I love.
So much death has passed by my family.
To celebrate my birthday and a funeral,
it almost felt natural.
The theories I'd come up with,
the images that I'd contemplate,
would keep me up at night.
I never really sleep,
even when I do.
I couldn't ask for a more fitting fate,
to die so vulnerable,
I'd accept that.