Understanding More About Myself Poem by mona martinez

i think back and i wonder,
why my trusting is so messed up,
part of me knows the reason,
but at times it still a puzzle,
that i just can't seem to put together,
i remember things clearly,
as i have the flashbacks,
i'm learning that my memories,
are not lies,
but are truth that was hidden,
so much pain comes up,
when i think of that part of my life,
but at the same time,
it what makes me feel better about myself,
i know that i am stronger because of it,
at times when i'm in the moment,
it feels so far from the truth,
but if i continue to run from my past,
and do the things that i don't like,
i'm not really dealing with it,
i'm making it worse by keeping myself the victim,
i was the victim in the past,
i don't have to be it now,
yeah my past will take some time to move on from,
but it doesn't changes much of who i am,
i have ppl who see me for me,
i may be a sensitive girl,
but there are some that don't take advantage of it,
some guys will always be jerks,
but not all guys are,
as i open up and trust some guys,
i'm realizing that some guys can be trusted,
just like some girls can be trusted,
it not so much on who they are,
it ppl actions that can attract you to somebody,
or just as well walk away from them,
i'm learning that i do have control of my life,
i'm just afraid to take it at times,
as a young girl,
speaking your mind ment,
i got more than i can handle,
you start to learn to stay quiet,
and just take what is coming to you,
a hard thing to take,
but up til this day,
it what i've been doing,
not speaking up,
when ppl start to treat me wrong.