The Meeting Poem by Rtunjya Gujral

We're seeing each other after months
I'm not sure if I'm thankful to be with you again
Or if I'm thinking of ways I could have put this off a little bit longer
My mind goes around in circles as I look at your face
And I know I feel it too
The doubt, the awkwardness, the pain of having to get through this, the sadness
I know it's there.
I ask you how you've been
And you ask me too
And after all that's happened that you don't know about
All I have the capacity to say is, "I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm better."
You recognise the lie in my eyes
And the tension filling the space between us talks to us about the questions we want to ask
Who are we?
What have we become?
What did we do to each other?
Can this be blamed on anyone, or anything?
There's so much I want to say to you
That I miss you
That I appreciate you for helping me grow
That I'll always be your friend
But all I can allow myself
Is to smile coldly, and with all the apathy I can muster in my voice, say
"I'm happy that I'm not a part of your life anymore. You're doing so much better without me, just as I had imagined."
I can see how that hurt you, and I hope you don't see it in me too
But at once you start to gather your things and get up to leave
And leave me with the longest, tightest hug and a whisper
"I'm not doing better without you. I'm trying, but I'm not. Goodbye."
In a second you're gone
But somehow I still feel you in the atmosphere
And try to convince myself that this was real, for the longest time.