The Letter That Changes Everything Poem by Maurice Harris

This letter may serve as a new beginning, or foretell a tragic end-
Yet, the thought of not writing it is not one with which I may contend!
My prayers are for the former, as I dread the latter,
Though my soul yearns to have the final say in the matter
Of what form its counterpoint may finally take;
Thus, with this leap of faith, I may finally make-
Known, what it is I suspect you have already guessed:
Your's is the soul that mine covets more than all the rest!
This though, I shan't allow to come at my heart's expense,
Where its own longing does not meet with recompense.
No longer may I be your friend, and naught more;
At the end of each consort, I am left to wonder: 'what more
Are we meant to be? '-certainly not just surreptitious friends.
Is my heart to wither, whilst my mind pretends?

No! I am not blind to your amorous reciprocation
Of the feelings I have for your, and their desperation!
Your precarious position is not lost upon me-
I know it all too well, as its cost, upon me-
Tolls deeply and tragically-yet, I am much to blame!
My feelings, as your's, are much the same
As they were so many years ago-
The difference: I commanded my fears to go!
Without the burden of same, doubts no longer linger.
I may now count myself worthy, to place upon your finger
The quintessential token of my commitment to you-
Though, through forfeit I lost, and the forfeit went to you,
In the form of a life that you have deftly built.
For my part, my love's perpetual flower did not wilt,
She is more alive today than she ever was-
Incapable of surrender's preservation-she never does!
Our collective inconvenience does not cause our love's retreat;
Not even a cosmic cataclism should cause it to fleet,
First from our sight, then from the safe confines of our heart's coffers,
Thus taking with it all the beautificence it heretofore offers!

This thought is banished, and all like it, disallowed;
This shall never be, and all talk of such is disavowed!
Whether you allow our souls to ally, only time may tell-
If not though, you owe it to thine own heart to pray tell
Why not, in the face of all the love for each we possess-
The answer: fear, would need be my only guess!

Our friendship is precious to me, as is the love, long ago born-
The more we celebrate the former, the more I mourn
The latter-a sort of dichotomy, where love's scorn
Is also the glory of the heart, which both doth adorn!
The mere thought that my own social immaturity
Is ultimately to blame for my amorous insecurity
Is nearly too much to take, but I must!
My heart, mind, and soul are all in accord, so I trust
My instincts about what must be done in this regard;
Though, mere thought upon consequences makes it so very hard-
As if I do not trust myself in my heart's confusion
And give it an ultimatum, that invites the intrusion
Of your's even further into my most inner sanctum-
Should this not come to pass, my lofty mind, heart, and soul are to blame-thank them!

Absence, though, has not proven a deterrent before,
So, why then might I risk the vanquish of thine grace, evermore! ?
The answer lies in the need for unequivocal clarity,
Where the wants of this heart comport with the verity
That only your's married with it, may reveal!
Anything else is acquiescence, which serves to further steal
Away a portion of my ever-conflicted soul;
I need you, if I am ever to feel whole-
It is quite simplistic, yet for so long it evaded me:
All the while, the Gracious God who created thee,
Has steered me ever-lovingly in your direction,
Where I may reap the reward that is your affection!

As fair warning, I am no longer the man I used to be:
I now celebrate beauty, that before I refused to see!
Where ere, I queried my strength, now I do not,
Thus, this is my attempt to alter us, to be what we ought!

If allowance for our real friendship may not be made,
Because you have accepted your fate, and may not be swayed,
Then I need to know now, so that I may prepare
For the burden that my heart will be forced to bear,
When all I possess are memories and you are no longer there
To be the beauteous reality, that otherwise my mind could only dare!

Sikerly, this is meant for our future betterment, not to hinder-
Or else, I would not dare risk the loss of a friendship, so tender,
For the sake of a hollow dream that may never be;
Yet, this long-aspired romance is one that we shall never see
Unless all is risked with this blind leap of faith,
Where a world of amorous wonder would be created from a wraith!

Lest you believe my intentions are not entirely pure,
My heart yearns still-a want that many years without you could not cure!
A thousand profoundly powerful poems could not properly expound
The puissant sense of purpose I feel when you are around-
Yet, when you are gone, the passion presents still-
A passion so powerful that friendship alone may not fulfill!
In any other realm, this would be viewed as less than altruistic,
Yet, though self-serving, it is also quite simplistic:
I believe our desires are mutually in accord,
And fear, in the face of same, is not something we can afford.

To accept this offer, you must overcome your fears
And embrace the ardor you have battled against, for years.
This is surely not a journey you need make on your own,
I shall be there too, where actions that comport with these words shall be shown,
To allay any fear, where now you are sure to be trepidatious;
Without fear as your nemesis, your heart is sure to be courageous,
As, surely, you will very much need it to be-
To leave the only life you have ever known, and cede it to me!

Either way you choose to decide, I will not begrudge you,
As this letter should be taken only to inform, not to nudge you
In either direction-that is entirely up to you;
I would never deign to tell you what to do,
Only that I adore you, and shall, no matter your decision!
I have been wholly honest, and now, without contrition,
I beg of thee to be the same with thine own self,
As it art thou who must live with thine own decision, no one else!
I may not ask anything else of thee, nor would I-
Nor could I promise you forever, yet I could try-
One day at a time, to covet thee as much as I may,
Where my actions reinforce every loving word that I say!

Take as much time as you may need, the decision must be right;
I know we may never be the same, thus the plight
That faces you is not lost upon me, nor for me, to decide.
All the counsel I may lend is: 'use you heart as your guide'.
As uttered ere, I will be here when your decision is done-
Whether or not my heart is chosen as the one
With which ou choose to ally, for what remains of forever-
Whether it begins now, or is banished to 'never'!

-MAurice Harris,21 September 2011