The Letter Poem by Alok Agarwal

To,

Miss Congeniality


Disclaimer: The contents of this letter are highly sensitive and filled to the brim with my emotions. The contents of this are purely original, and in case you find any resemblance of this somewhere else; then it is either a case of co-incidence or plagiarism on be-half of the other person. In such a case, I request you to inform me the details of the other letter, so that I can file a case against him on grounds of theft of intellectual property. In case you are seeing someone else, please do not read further and return it to me. Do not copy this yourself. This letter is the copyright of the writer and any distribution of this must be duly approved by the author himself.


Dear,

It has been a pretty good amount of time since we have met each other. At first sight, I thought you as too nosy in someone else's affairs. But as the time passed gradually, you have punctured my heart with all your little things and those couple of dimples on your lips. It appears that God has taken utmost care to place them strategically on your face, so as to seduce the opposite sex. I know that was plot from the God himself to lure me raise white flag. I being a mortal human being cannot decipher the enigma and just got myself trapped. And see here I am writing this piece of letter onto white paper.

Now, as I have allowed myself to fall into your love; I consider this as my linguistic duty to express it. I desire to say lots and lots of things to this marbleous beauty. The lot you belong to is biologically known as Aphrodite. In Greek mythology Aphrodite was the goddess of love, desire and beauty. The Indian mythological equivalent of Aphrodite is Apsara (celestial nymph) . Meneka was a famous Apsara whose anecdotes we have heard when we were small kids. Meneka as is foretold was the most beautiful of all Apsaras in Indra's court. She was sent to lure Vishvamitra break his meditation. She caught him while meditating. You caught me doing nothing. He had the armor of meditation, but what did I had?

It is time I move upward from your lips to your pointy nose whose curves are just curved. Wait! I never visited your lips. I certainly will if I get a chance. I also desire to visit those rosy cheeks. The lips and the cheeks - they make a deadly combo when you smile. You know what, when you smile those teeth come out ("Bhaiyaji! Smile" as in Dabang) . They doth serve the purpose of biting and grinding. Grinding is a tool making process and is one of core and diverse aspect of manufacturing science. I say tools, God gave you weapons.

God gave you a complete arsenal full of weapons. Maybe the God forgot about world peace. He had no general knowledge about world wars. He was a barbaric sculptor without IQ. He just sculpted you with his own hands on ivory and then said ‘hokus pokus woogly woosh' and you just reincarnated on earth. The earth suddenly became a lot greener when you saw it with your own eyes. Those eyes - the two of them - are really ‘qatil'. ‘Qatil' is an Urdu word and its literal meaning in English translates to ‘killing'. I don't know how many have died because of them, but I have started using goggles. I also don't know if those eyes are released on parole, but let them just see. Let them see the beauties of nature, the mountains, the valleys, the rivers, the blue sky, the green trees and ME (singular) . A piece of advice - don't use collyrium. Killing someone with AK-47 is 0K, but why use tanks? To make the matters worse, you also use that gloss on your lips. And what about that nose ring and those multiple anchors in your ears. Don't you know that world is moving towards disarmament? And nuclear missiles are just a plain NO. The radiance and ambiance are hazardous.440 volts! Khatra! If I could just draw that skeleton head with those two ‘X' shaped bones.

God has bestowed Earth with day and night. Both complement each other. One must bear the brunt of scorching heat to appreciate the calmness and serenity of morning and evening. But when you flock your hair, the earth is saved. Those hairs - they just convert noon to evening. And even when you tie them, which you do so fluently and elegantly - it is just so wonderful.
The real thing is that we have known each other for good and for long. I like enjoying your company. I have started feeling for you. Maybe it is the mischief of the cupids or the hormonal imbalance that just creeps in the heart, body, mind and soul of a person attaining puberty. These matters are hardly within human control. The arrow shot by the cupids has pierced my heart and I am really in love with you. It is becoming increasingly difficult to imagine life without you. I just like spending time with you. I can talk to you on any matter without feeling awkward. That is a good feeling. I don't mix easily with people. I am a shy, reserved and introvert kind of personality. I really am, though my description about myself doesn't fit in the public image I carry. The public image is like a cloak of invisibility that saves the real me. The problem with me is I find myself short of words when expressing the real feelings. I tend to say a lot on the peripherals of the core issue, but I could not concentrate on the main topic.

To cement my place in your heart, I would like put forward my credentials. I am currently employed in IOC which is a good company. I have done Engineering in Mechanical from MNNIT. I secured good marks in my engineering curriculum and I have been a very good student since my school life. Mathematics is my strong area. I am also good in chess. This is a strong indication regarding my intellectual strength. I am not very good in outdoor games, but I consider myself a decent player of badminton - but I don't have a certificate to prove it; so you have to accept it by believing in me or competing with me. I hope to win, in case you dare to compete.

My mission in life is to lead a successful peaceful life; to contribute to the society which has given so much to me. According to me the key word ‘success' is to be measured by someone's contribution in his lifetime. A person must strive for making his life meaningful, so that people remember him for good when he is gone. People don't die when they die; they die when people forget about them. As per this definition Mahatma Gandhi and all the greats are still very much alive. Nathuram Godse is alive as well. It is the sides we have to choose. To attain immortality one must do great deeds and right deeds. Not all deeds can be put in black and white. There is always a grey area and the human's personality is decided by how he acts in this grey area. If people just know what is right or wrong, they might never commit any wrong(s) . In very few instances we actually do wrong by knowing that we are doing wrong which is generally under the garb of false ethics. To develop ethics one must possess strong personality and positive attitude. You will always find successful people having good habits, qualities and hobbies.

Hobbies are an integral part of someone's personality which can tell us a lot about a person's character. My hobbies include listening songs (preferably old) , reading (not novels) and travelling (with you) . I am a great lover of vegetarian food. Contrary to what people normally presume by my weight, I do not eat in large quantities. I just like different kinds of food, but I can't eat something which is too spicy. Also, I can't eat non-vegetarian (as of now) . I can try it, but I do not intend to. I am a connoisseur of food. I enjoy reading about food, recipes and ingredients as much as I like consuming them. I am also interested how they make it, process it right from the point where seeds are sown.

My family includes my parents and younger brother. Ours is a nuclear family. We believe in family values and have a mix of liberal and conservative thinking. We believe that freedom must be given but not exploited. With freedom comes responsibility. The responsibility is shared among all members equally without discrimination of caste, color, creed or sex. Family is like council of ministers which swims and sinks together. I love my family a lot. I also love you. If I need to describe the extent of my love, then I will place my love towards my family as infinity and towards you as [limit n  infinity]. Here I have used ‘limit' in its mathematical form and to explain it - it denotes that the value of ‘n' approaches towards a certain value. It cannot reach that value, but also cannot be separated from that value. Here ‘n' denotes love and is a qualitative term that cannot be quantified; and so is infinity.

Till the time of writing this letter, I have not disclosed this to my family; but they know about you and will certainly embrace you. I hope your family follows the same with me.

Now, let us come back to the main content. I would like to re-iterate that I love you and it is a good feeling. Through the means of this write-up, I put forward my candidature as an eligible bachelor for you. I hereby propose to marry you. If you accept this - I promise the best days ahead of us both. I will not pressurize you regarding this, because I want you to make a careful and unbiased decision in my favor. Marriage is a sacred institution whose sanctity cannot be tempered with. It is a decision of lifetime. As per unwritten code of conduct, it is a ritual that needs to be performed once. I personally abide by this line of thinking. I don't want you to reply instantly. I want you to take your time and seriously consider me as the best option available in all the universes (if there exists more than one) . I know I am smart, talented and may be too good for you; but, let that not come between us. Everything is fair in love and war. Do not consider yourself inferior to me. Consider yourself superior to all the girls in your vicinity as I have chosen you instead of any other. In this way, you are superior to everyone else of human race. And when the two superiors meet, the offspring are also elite. The genes are good. It is an endeavor of every living soul on this planet to find the right mating partner so as to pass on the genes to the next generation. This is the embedded in the genetic code of every living species. I have chosen you to decide further in the matter.

In anticipation of a positive reply. [Chuckles]