The Last Call (To My Rapists) Poem by Ginger Kastrup

I can't say y'alls' names
Without fear coursing through my veins
There's not an hour that goes by
Where I don't wonder why
Why you did what you did.

It's not fair
It was just some fun for you but now you've moved on
But I, I'm left in despair
I grabbed a knife and drew on my skin and blood was drawn
My peace is gone.

You stole the last bit of innocence that was left in me
Now all that's left is a damaged soul and I'm lost at sea
And there's no captain sailing in the right direction it seems
‘Cause every night I fear to sleep; I don't want any more bad dreams.

I want to take control
I want to steer this boat in the right path
Or else I might as well send myself to *She'ol
‘Cause I can't stand this aftermath
If all it means is me living in fear.

Like a broken record
That night plays over and over again in my mind
Get me a shot of Chambord
So I can numb this pain and be blind
Blind to what happened
Can you not hear my cries? It haunts my daily life!
My heart, mind, body and soul were abandoned
Now I fantasize about taking a knife
Or maybe some booze, some pills or a noose
And end it all
Because I can no longer handle the abuse
This is my last call.