The Enormous Penis Of Nothingness Poem by Alexander Shaumyan

Just when you think of writing
A halfway decent poem,
It hits you over the head
Like a ruthless giant hotdog
Without a bun-
The Enormous Penis of Nothingness.

It's been with us for thousands
Of years-long before Christianity
Was born, long before the Constitution
Was ratified-it would rear its
Ugly head-conquering nations
And crushing everything
Under its phallic weight-
The Enormous Penis of Nothingness.

Who could've known? Who could've
Dreamt of its impact on man?
It came like an A-bomb, it came like
Some crusade or a jihad to convert
The infidels to its way of life-
And it took us for a ride in its
Space shuttle, propelled by testosterone
And a giant pair of balls-
The Enormous Penis of Nothingness.

Once I dreamt of a perfect love,
Of your features divine
In the moonlit night,
And I saw all the people living as one,
Living in harmony and cooperation-
But it was only a dream
Only to be crushed by
The Enormous Penis of Nothingness.

And so it grows like some bad
Genghis Khan, like Godzilla,
Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin, and King Kong,
Like the Incredible Hulk
Or some horrendous top
Blogger of Myspace-it grows
Erect out of the womb of the earth,
Spreading its brand of destruction
And uniformity-

The Enormous Penis of Nothingness.

Postmodern and classical,
Primeval and technological,
It has penetrated the cyberspace
With its humongous shaft,
Declaring its supreme dominion
Over one and all-

In shampoo commercials, in political ads,
In its wars of domination and acquisition,
When you thought you've had
Enough of its excesses and death-
It comes forth once again to announce
Its omnipresence and omnipotence-
The Pantheistic Big Penis of Nothingness.

It's been a while since I caught your eye,
When you smiled at me,
And I smiled back at you,
And we knew it was love,
And we knew it was fun,
Knowing deep within our hearts
What the monster's name was
That kept us apart-

The Big Ego of the Penis of Nothingness.


June 2,2008