The Endless Taxi Poem by David Lewis Paget

I staggered out the Monkey Ba
At three... or was it four?
I'd lost my watch and wallet there,
I'd not been there before,
But after drinks or three, I think
I wasn't seeing straight,
I only knew I'd smoked my last
So knew it must be late.

I searched my pockets, plumbed the depths
And found a crumpled note,
A twenty kwai had ‘scaped my eye,
Thank god for kindly fate!
I had a choice of yi bao yan,
A pack of Xinanjiang,
Or I could grab a ‘jiao che' home
At a cost of shi yuan!

I chose the smokes, and spent the ten,
That left me ten to go,
I knew the cost to Xia Lv Pu
Should only be ten kwai,
I hailed a Yellow Jiao Che and
Fell in the open door,
The cabbie grunted ‘na li - ah',
I mumbled: ‘Xia Lv Pu! '

My eyes were somewhat fuzzy
Rolling round my empty head,
I focused on the meter box,
Its numbers glowing red,
‘Shi er', it said, or twelve yuan,
That's when I sobered up;
Of course! Midnight! - the fares increase,
I didn't have enough!

We got to Xia Lv Pu too soon,
I shook my weary head,
And muttered ‘Ming Hang Lu, old chum,
Qu Ming Hang Lu, ' instead;
The cabbie looked me up and down,
Then shrugged and turned about,
And back we went to Ming Hang Lu,
The meter jumped about.

At fifteen kwai we hit the Lu,
I muttered, ‘Qu da Xue, '
‘Cos that was where the campus was,
And where I'd find old Lou;
He'd surely loan me twenty kwai
To pay for the blasted car,
But then I realised... I'd left
Old Lou at the Monkey Ba.

I tapped the dash, and said: ‘Hao de!
Wo yao qu Jiang Xing Island,
The cabbie was looking murderous,
I sensed that he wasn't smiling;
They've got no sense of humour here,
They're all just money crazy,
But still he turned and gunned the cab,
The meter was looking hazy.

By thirty kwai I'd lost the plot,
The Monkey Ba had closed,
Old Lou was nowhere to be seen,
I said: ‘Wo qu Hangzhou! '
He muttered something like ‘Xiagua!
Ni shi bendan, ' he said,
I flung the Xinanjiang at him,
Jumped out the cab, and fled!

So here I am, ten miles from home,
He's headed for ‘gang ting',
I think my luck is running out,
The police will run me in.
I wouldn't mind, a place to sleep
Would do me, I won't fret,
The only thing that bugs me is
I've got no cigarettes! '

(Glossary and pronunciation:
Ba - Bar. Twenty Kwai (Kwy) - 20 yuan
yi bao yan (ee bough yen) - one box cigarettes
Xinanjiang (See nan jang) - Brand of cigarettes
Jiao Che (Jou -as in ouch - Chuh) - Taxi
Shi yuan (Cher you ann) - 10 yuan.
Xia Lv Pu (She ah Luh Por) - a district in Wenzhou
na li - ah (narli-ah) where? The ‘ah' is Wenzhounese.
shi er (Cher aahh) - twelve. Ming Hang Lu (Meen Haang Lou) -
the name of a road. Qu - (chew) go to.
Qu da Xue (chew dar sure) - go to the University.
Hao de - (How duh) - Okay! Wo yao qu Jiang Xin -
(Wore yow - as in ouch - chew Jang Sheen)
I want to go to Jiang Xin Island.
Wo qu Hangzhou (Wore chew Hang-zoe) -
I want to go to Hangzhou - capital of Zhejiang Province, about
300 miles away. Xiagua (She ag wa) - idiot!
Ni shi bendan (Knee sir ben dan) - You're foolish!
gang ting (Garng Ting) - the police station.)