The Beltway Tease Poem by Sidi Mahtrow

The Beltway Tease

Otherwise, known as the Fed
Who some say is to the economy, wed.
Raising and lowering interest rates’ the game
Through several Presidents she’s spread her fame.

While all around her seek to understand
Her methods, and what is in the plan?
It’s quite simple to behold
If at once we are told.

When interest rates go down, there’s more money to invest
That’s the logic of Street gurus who to her, become a pest.
But if this be so, how can it be
When she reduces rates, they stay the same for you and me?

No. Her scheme is rather devious.
It’s the cautious investor among us,
That is the target of her efforts
As she presents graphs, tables and charts.

When interest rates are high
Old-timers living on interest can get by.
But when the rates are going low,
To their reserves, they must go.

No longer is the interest from their bank
Providing money for the auto’s tank.
Cashing out an asset is the only way that
They can live, an’ get mi-lady a new hat.

But wait, now we see the Tease’s way.
Old-timers think, “It’s the market, I must play.”
Then when it goes higher than the moon
I’ll cash out and in the kid’s mouth, I’ll put a silver spoon.

So, it is, you see, the method’s to get money from your sock
And cause investment in some favored stock.
Never-mind the market’s unsteady
Just withdraw from savings and get ready.


A wild ride she’ll promise you.
The market will go up it is true.
But the dark underside,
When it goes down, there’s no place to hide.

That’s the game this lady o-the-night does play.
Tweaking money from us each day.
She cares not if we win or lose,
Instead, it’s to make the market; that we choose.

Gaining profits for investment firms,
That make money regardless of how the market turns.
For you see it is quite simple,
They get a bit for each new pimple.

In the market, whether up or down
There’s processing fees for New York town.
Makes them glad to see,
Fools play the market, like you and me.

Why the name, Tease, you ask?
Because she’s quite up to the task.
Been there many times and more,
Like a lady of the evening, a common wh.....

Prostrates herself before Congress
In her most striking party dress.
But never reaches the desired climax,
That the investor tries to match.