The Addiction In Life Poem by Kassandra Burke

This is for people who are in the same situation as I once was, or for those who feel they cant move on, THERE IS HOPE.
This is for the people who don't have the strength or courage to get out of a bad relationship. YOU DESERVE BETTER! ! ! .
This for the people who have been mentally or physically hurt, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED UNFAIRLY, YOU ARE BETTER THEN THAT! ! ! .

I'm only 19, I lived through the past, I'm looking into the future and I'm living for me now.

The 'cycle' starts when your younger and you don't even relies it into you sit down and really think. If someone in your immediate family are abusive (mentally, physically, abuse drugs or is a alcoholic) maybe not towards you but to someone you love or someone around you everyday you will be effected by it. It will hurt you as you get older in different ways at different times.There is a saying that is very true, ' HURT PEOPLE LIKE TO HURT PEOPLE' and i never understood what it meant till now.

I grew up into a very loving and caring family. My mother was a single parent raising 3 children on her own. All she did was love us, protect us and work so hard so she can provide for herself and her children.
My father was an alcoholic who mentally and physically abused my mother. Even though I was younger and I don't remember much my brothers and I was still effected by it. I heard stories about something that went on and I'm very glad that she ' broke the cycle'. She got herself and her children away from the ' Monster' and if she didn't her children would of been the next to be mentally and physically abused.

Its a ' cycle' that keeps going on and on, until you stand up and protect yourself, if you don't nothing is gonna be done about it.. You can ask god or friends to help but know one can do it but you.
Even though the alcoholic or abuser promises you the world, if she/he said he will never do it again, you trust your heart. You go with whatever you think or will better your life in your future.
From what I experienced the truth is that abusers or alcoholics never change because its a disease. You cant help them change unless they are willing to change there life's and they have to notice it there self's. As I am growing up I'm starting to notice this now, It don't come over night. It's part of maturing and doing things differently. It comes with living life.
As I was getting older and getting into relationships with guys. I thought it was ' love ' but the truth was I was just getting hurt. I did not notice what was going on until my friends pointed things out but it was to late. Then my own family would not talk to me. Over a year a lot can happen. I thought I was so in love and that's all I could see. I did not wanna hear the truth.
As time went on, I thought it was normal to be mentally abused because that's what I grew up with around me. I thought it was okay to be called stupid, to be told I'm not good enough or I would never amount to nothing. I thought it was just fine to do everything for him, buy him things and get nothing in return. No thank you or nothing. Mentally abused turned into physical abused and when we fought it went to yelling and pushing and throwing things. At the time I was only 18 but I thought it was all normal. In the process of this I got into contact with my father ' the monster'. I let him back into my life after 15 years of not communicating with him at all. Remembering about what my mother told me over the years, I opened the doors and let him in. I was not even realizing what I did. I did not even stop to think what this so called 'father' did to my family over the years. I let him into my life because I was not paying any attention to anything because I was so in love. This guy controlled my life now. He had no problem with making me feel bad, or making me cry, talking to other girl and cheating on me while I was living with him. I had to sit down and really think about, what was going on and do I want this to happen in my life.
I prayed to god and stood up, got in contact with my mother and walked out of his life. I did not deserve to be treated like that and know one does. I knew that deep down inside but everything was going on at once and I really thought he loved me.
After getting over him and finding myself in this whole mess. My father was still in this picture. My father swore to me he was gonna change and he was so sorry, he will do anything for me, buy me a car or give me money because he was not in my life when I was growing up. He was trying to buy his love in other words. He owes back a bunch of money on child support and to this day he blames everything on my mother. In reality he cant support his self. He is still the addict he was before and that's all he cares about. He wont change because he does not want to. He lives to make other life's worse, 'hurt people like to hurt people'.
He hurt me mentally and at this point in my life after getting out of a bad relationship with a guy, I still have his to deal with him now. A lot of things started to come back to me about what my mother told me. It; s all the truth and my father is a ' monster' I'm ashamed he is my father. I use to fear him because I did not know him but now I know who he really is and now I relies why he was not in my life when I was growing up but I had to find that out myself for my own reasons. I took that chance and let him in but as of July I slammed the door and locked it and made sure he was out because I don't deserve to be yelled at or to hear that this whole thing was my mothers fault when I know the truth. I will not let anyone mistreat me the same way my own father did.
That's what I kept saying but when you have know one to talk to and the one who was always their for me is to busy smoking pot or taking pills or partying, you start to lose trust in everyone because I was so afraid to get by someone else more. I was just so up set and I felt so alone to sit here and watch my brother go down this path. I was always with him and I always talked to him about everything, we were very close. I could not even have a normal conversation with him because he was not in the rite state of mind. I was just so scared I was gonna lose him.
GOD SEND MIRACLES EVERYDAY, WE JUST HAVE TO TRAIN OUR EYES TO BE AWARE OF THEM! ! someone has told me and its the truth. God helped him out, showed him his options and send him in the rite direction in life. Now he is currently in the Navy. Living his life to the fullest and believing in his dreams.
I over came that and the situation with my brother really opened my eyes. I met another guy along the way. He was nothing like the first but slowly and surly he changed. He grew up with out knowing any family values or rules. He worked and was in school, we went on vacation together after being for awhile. I thought he was the one, I thought he cared and loved me.. well he said he did. He did things for me bought me things and made sure we were happy together. He became very negative as a person and started to show he didn't care by the way he acted and by what he said. It was like I did not have any feelings or I felt I just disappeared from his life. I did everything I could, he knew I cared and I knew i tried.
I think god puts these people or problems into our life to teach us a lesson and what we get out of it or make of it can benefit us in our future or we can leave it behind.
It is OUR responsibility to take care of us, it is our responsibility to stand up for our self's, do not let anyone walk all over you and if you need to ' Break the cycle' Don; t be afraid there is HOPE and a lot of people who are willing to help as long as you are ready. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you let something bad go or get it out of your life, god will make something positive happen for you.
I'm finding myself after all this time and it is a process. It took me awhile but I'm getting it. I'm ready to put myself first, I wanna be happy for me and not get pulled down again. Before I enter someone else's life, I'm working on mine. I need to take care of myself first, love myself before I can love anyone else.When the time is rite god will put someone special in my life for a reason. I'm learning new things everyday, IVE LIVED THROUGH THE PAST AND I'M LOOKING INTO THE FUTURE, I'M LIVING FOR ME KNOW AND NO ONE IS GONNA STOP ME! ! !

After you read this and you feel this relates to you, feel free to email me about anything you would like to talk about. It does not matter if you are a guy or girl or any age. If I can help and give you some solutions to problems I will. My email is Kassandra7890@yahoo

Thanks for reading