The Abuser Poem by Pauline Levesque

I am the abuser.…. I inherited your wicked tongue, your inability to lift my soul
Your ability to make me feel small and insignificant and now….I can offer that dark gift to others. That’s what I know.
I am the abuser….I learned from you that love comes with a slap, a beating, that I was never good enough, I was stupid.
That love was to be manipulated, and negotiated, that there was no free rides and I shared that with all who dared to love me. I shared the anger, the betrayal, the language of hate and abandonment.

I am the abuser….you will leave….everyone I have loved has left…..no one stays and if they do…
Love has a price tag in my world. ….you will pay! That’s what I know.

I am the abuser…..my stomach is in constant knots if I am not in control. If I can’t put you in a box that is safe for me, I will attack your heart. I will sap all your light put my thumb on you. It’s what I know.

I am the abuser….love me! Love me! Please love me! Slap, bang, punch. That is what I know.
There are no prisoners. I will take everything good from you and kill it.

I am the abuser…..and I am in pain.