Silk And Sandpaper Poem by Pauline Levesque

Does she love me, tolerate me, like me?

I grate like sandpaper on her every nerve, it seems nothing I say or do is right, not centered enough, not strong enough…..

Who is she looking for? Am I the one or just a transition, a tolerance?

My Pisces heart, is vulnerable, shy, mistrusting for my

Feet are inches above the ground…

No sure footing to be found.



No security in her words, or tenderness in her eyes but then…

I kiss her. And she is silk in my arms, in my heart….

We are comfortable, caring, loving and touch each other’s hearts and the children play and dance.



My touch sends her to ecstasy, my words flow like butter to her ears

My tongue finds the ocean and swells of her mound and I know

and after the love making? Peace and connection so deep it makes my heart stop.

She wants me, loves me, needs me and

I am warmed by the knowing, grounded by love.



She wants space from me now.

A sure sign of an ending.

I can’t seem to retain that look of trust and love I receive from her when making love

She eyes me warily and looks to others for support.

For she says I am not consistent…

What does that mean?



Am I not consistent in love, in heart?

Do I not jump at her every command and stand by her when she needs me?

She says I am to fluid, she can’t get a glimpse of the true me, my essence…

I am here. Does she not see me?



I dreamed last night I was on a rollercoaster with my brother.

My dead mother wandering the fields just outside the carnival

Mark and I Ride the coaster…it is so fast….and as we crest each hill my stomach lingers in the air before dropping down for the next hill.

My stomach tightens at the thought of without you…..that we won’t reach that crest and linger lovingly…forever.



So I stay tight inside…waiting….I guess eventually she will leave or stay

Either way for good.

I go through my life day to day hoping I am enough for her, that she will be happy with

Me eventually ….

That I will no longer sandpaper her heart, her soul, her spirit and she will embrace my silky words, my essence, my loyalty, my devotion.