Thapelo Maswabi Poem by Neo Patricia Monamodi

I swore to never ask
So I carry on with my daily tasks like nothing happened
Scroll names and pretend it’s you I phoned
Then from nowhere it hits me again
Heaven knows to choose the best
The best the world has and the best people got
But I swore to never ask..

The kindest and sweetest to put our hearts to test
Or perhaps to keep us on the edge and feel pain a bit deeper
I feel the edge to say it but I swore to never ask
The beauty of memory to keep your picture fails me
The laughter and smiles of your face
The ease for you to get along with all people
But I swore to never ask.

The love in your voice about your daughter
Surely heaven does choose the best things
How awkward it feels to together mention your name and death!
How empty it must be for your lovely rose
How incomplete it must feel for your family
Perhaps I must just break the promise
And ask what I swore to never ask

There is no answer for me anywhere
I wish I’d share your knowledge with someone else
Then we could pass time sharing of how good you were
How uneasily angered and how you loved the future
I know I swore to never ask it, but God, why?
Why a soul so young and kind and loving
Why my great friend who never judged me

Why him God?
One who never got mad at me, not once?
One who was so respectful and gentle and kind?
One who found humor in almost everything?
One who always had the right things?
Why not the unkind on the street?
The one who cares less about people?

Why not one who respects no one and is mad at the world
Why not the one who lived a little longer
I ask all I can but I get no answer
I get no soothing to this anxiety
But all I get is reason
And perhaps reason is all I’ll ever have
For reason is God too wants the best

God picks the flowers to put in His heavenly garden
God gives the best to give us the sweet taste of heaven
And when we grasp He takes back his best
For this world is way too corrupt
Thus I cease asking and put all the candles out
And I choose to love life and respect others
To care for people and find humor in things

To not judge and look for finer things in life
I choose to keep you remembered
And to trust all I well
And to trust your soul rests in peace…