Tense, You Buggers, Tense! Poem by David Lewis Paget

If ‘I CAN’ can, it’s done right away,
‘I CAN’ never can do it yesterday,
‘I can see, I can do, I can hear, I can feel,
‘I can go, I can stay, I can move, I can steal.’

If ‘I COULD’ ever could, then he’d do it last week
Because ‘I COULD’ and ‘I DID’ are best mates, (so to speak) .
‘I could see, I could do, I could hear, I could feel,
I could go, I could stay, I could move, I could steal.’

If ‘I DID’ ever did it, the deed has been done,
‘I DID’ never does it right now, old son.
‘I did not' - 'You did too' - 'So I did, you can sue, '
'What I did, when I did it, I did it for you.’

If ‘I WILL’ or ‘I WOULD’ or ‘I SHOULD’ are your thing,
Then don’t hold your breath, it’ll happen next spring,
‘I will go, I will come, I will be, I will see,
I would stay if I could, I should get home for tea.’

But if ‘I HAVE DONE’ ever comes raising it's head
The time has now gone, and the battle is dead.
‘I have seen, I have heard, I have said in the past
I have travelled the world, I have finished, at last! ’

(Written for my Chinese English students, in desperation, when they mixed past, present and future tenses in the same sentence) .

7 April 2006