'Survivor' Poem by Jacqueline Dorantes

I walk amongst the crowd,
Blending in, but standing out
Walking for the sheer purpose of moving,
Breathing for the sheer purpose of doing.

Walking quickly, running from my past,
Trying to forget what happened last
Street lights and gray sidewalks blend in together,
Cars and city, one heartbeat forever.

People stop and stand in my way,
I push and fight, but they want me to stay
Anxiety becomes my best friend,
And my enemy too, in the end.

I fall on my knees and stare at the sky,
Asking- no, DEMANDING God why!
Why were you the one to cause so much pain,
And still expect me to praise your name?

I raise my arms to the sky,
Screaming as the light burns my eyes
I believed in you till the day of my death,
And I will continue to until my last breath.

Flames from the Earth burn my knees,
As people walk by, not noticing
There is no purpose, no point to this life,
If only I wasn't so afraid to die...

Physical pain is nothing compared to that in my heart,
Because in my dreams, I go back to the start
To all the pain, anger and misunderstandings,
Soaring feels good, but hard is the landing.

I scream, wail and pull at their sleeve,
But no one ever notices me
The burning pain is comforting,
I give into it, thankfully.

I crumple over and fall on my side,
Blink once, twice, then close my eyes
They said, 'fight to stay alive, '
But I chose not to survive.

I lay amongst the crowd,
Blending in, but standing out
I breathe for the sheer purpose of moving,
I live for the sheer purpose of doing.

(2008)