Suicidal Dreams Poem by Joshua Hillard

I’m only a suicide in this world waiting to happen,
I’m only a dream that’s falling; waiting to be captured,
A dream catcher if you may that has become missing,
As I pray with one hand talking to God because I’m wishing,

Dream upon dream from what these nights have in store,
I walk from one end just to come to another door,
On what we call life, I found its one meaning of purpose,
To walk this bumpy road, the discovery of nothing is perfect,

Throw your heart against the ground and you can feel it,
Take your ear to the drum and I guarantee you hear it,
It’s not something you will come across in one night,
But many nights after, you will see nothing is right,

Challenges is a must, and survival is the new game,
To live in solitaire, full of locked doors and a chain,
A choke chain to be specific, because life is a leash,
Your heart gains momentum, your mind becomes a thief,

You wander too far and you are choked; pulled back,
It's our testimony; life has no victory for you to edge past,
But I am safe to say, the leash has been lifted,
It’s no miracle, so don’t believe that I have been gifted,

There is no freedom awarded at the end of our cells,
Without this leash, you can feel life become a living hell,
I never journeyed to find the end of our chain,
It was inevitable; the only thing that it brought was pain,

Blistering thoughts causing darkness to begin to surround,
The way your heart is feeling, you just feel a threatening pound,
You assume you can turn back, and go on home,
But you cannot take back eighteen years of pain that has shown,

Pain is always a choice; times you are face to face.
Suddenly struck down, running as you are in a race,
To be the one to cross the finish line first.
When pain is declared the winner, you trail behind its dirt,

This is a continuing thing, wrapped around by 360 degrees,
The circle of pain, to make you give up, and fall to your knees,
In this circle, I have fallen and cannot get back up,
A suicide to this world, a circle if you may … I have had enough.