Still Believing Lies Poem by mona martinez

you told me i will never amount to nothing,
it's a lie i still believe,
i can't blame that i'm still a child,
even though at times i still feel like one,
everything that you did to me,
messed me up in more ways than i can say,
i know you didn't think twice,
about what you did to me,
you were only worried that you would get caught,
you knew it was wrong and you still did it,
now i'm left picking up the pieces,
and trying to fix my life the way i want it,
it's a struggle but i'm getting through it,
i'm still angery at what you did to me,
that would never go away,
like ppl say it will,
becuz i am reminded everytime i'm triggered,
it sad that a real man,
have to stand up and tell me,
that everything i'm going through,
was not my fault,
i continue to blame myself,
cuz it was what you told me,
i was sexy,
i make you feel a certain way,
i was a child,
how did i make you feel sexual towards me,
when i didn't even know what that was?
you made it my fault,
just so you won't feel bad,
about what you wanted to do,
i didn't deserve to be treated like a toy,
i didn't deserve to feel such fear,
for having and opinion,
that was different than yours,
but i did,
everything i felt,
i thought i deserved in some way,
the guilt, shame, and helplessness,
i carried it everyday,
and kinda didn't know why,
the more i open up,
the more i discover the person,
that i have been so afraid to get to know,
the more everything you said to me,
is starting to disappear.