Slip Up & Slipaway Poem by Ana xxx

Put down the blade and swore inside my heart,
I will Never do it again,
Two days has gone, everything seems fine,
i wonder if this was that easy why haven't i quit before
The third has begun and so the urges to bleed more and more
I pick it up again, hesitation attacks me, put it down you swore
I pray for god i lack strenght, help me to stand up again,
Bones are aching, every cell begins to drown in pain,
I need somebody beside me, may be i'll be out of it again
Somebody heal me, pull me, make me feel i can fight,
No one seems to come, why should they, they don't know
The space shrinks, my black clouds start to rain,
Thoughts of suicide, thoughts that i should go away,
Walls turn into silver blades closing in, down on me,
scars star to bleed secretly under my skin, over and over again..
I'm in control but everything seems to rebell on me,
Bloody knives, grey graves all cross my mind
I don't want to slip up, It will make me slip away,
May be if i die today,
I will be in control still, may be it is just fantcy!