Product Of A White Dream Poem by CherylAnn Helena Goh

It is days like this that make me want to go home and cry because
It is days like these that I feel
Unimportant, insignificant and invisible because
It is days like these that remind me just how
Unimportant, insignificant and invisible I really am
I don't need a spotlight
Or constant attention
All I want is for someone to bump into me on the street and say
'Sorry'
Because then i'd know I still exist
I've tried to pretend that insignificant just means
In significance
But when I told you how I felt today
You agreed and said you understood
Then you let the door slam shut in my face
I guess I've ignored my own needs so much to help you out
I've forgotten I even had any
My biggest fear is not being forgotten
My biggest fear is not death
My biggest fear is that when I die
Everyone will notice that i'm dead
But no one will realise that I was ever alive
No one will realise that
I am gone
And you don't have to know the reason that I want to be skinny
Is to make myself disappear bit by bit
You don't have to know the reason I wish I were taller
Is that maybe
Just maybe
I won't have to do so much to be seen
You don't have to know the reason I try so hard to be the best in everything
Is so I'll get noticed
Because
Well, frankly, although you do your best to act like you do
We both know you don't care
Sometimes I think I could show up in a disguise and all people would think is
'Hey who's the new kid? '
But no one wonders
'Hey, where's Cheryl? '
Maybe it hurts a little when I try to be serious
When I take your advice and say how I feel and
You change the subject into something funny
Were you really so unineterested in my feelings?
Or is my pain really so entertaining?
It is days like this
I understand my life will only amount to
Absolutely nothing
For it is people like you
Who have called me outstanding so often
I become outstandingly insignificant
For it is people like you
Who have called me important so often
I become vitally unimportant
For it is people like you
Who have called me beautiful so often
That I become
That I am
Beautifully invisible.