Ouroboros Syndrome (I Am Always) Poem by Welandu

this sickness settles in my bones.
the gnawing hunger consumes my viscera,
devours any bright light i may have had left,
and settles into my thorax,
a black hole that crushes any in its path.
i am an empty shell of an insect,
an empty shell of a man,
a disgusting mockery of a human being.
i am twisted and alien.
i am lost.

my body is not my own.
no matter how many scars,
how many burns,
and dyes,
and piercings and markings and words i slice into my flesh

this body will never be enough to contain me.
this body is ill.
this body is sickening.
this body is W R O N G.

nothing left but the boiling, cosmic dark.
i do not think there was a time before the darkness came.
i imagine- infinite black. and then, suddenly,
C O L O R, streaming pinpricks of light
and it is beautiful.
but i always remember,
darkness is where i was made
and darkness is where i will always dwell.
beyond every color is the infinite black.
and in the black, I A M
and the blackness is myself.

the dark settles in my bones.
they say every cell,
every atom in your body,
is replaced within five years.
still, the darkness has not moved.
the heaviest element fount in the human body,
but not on the periodic table,
is hate.

nepenthe in thousands of forms,
it settles in the lacunae inside my bones.
and when the drugs, the drink, the blood runs dry,
it crumbles into dust.
my flesh may be wet,
but my soul is barren, and cold.
there is no fertile ground in the wasteland.