Ode To My Self-Loathing Poem by Amanda Saveley

I hate you!

Hate the way you make me feel
Hate the way I dropp my walls around you
Hate the way I lose all consciousness
Hate the way I think I can plan my future
Hate the way you look at me
Hate the way you make me cry
Hate the way you make me lie

HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE

And all I can think is,
I can't hate you!
I put too much into you!
But I do!

And I hate that too.

HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE

Anger runs right through my veins
And I'm following the beat to this song of anger
Typing like my fingers are on fire
Why don't you ever just say goodbye?
Why draw out what can't be saved?

HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE

Such an easy word to type,
Hate is.
Far more than like
And WAY more than love.
HATE so easy to roll off the tongue
HATE the way I'm wasting away so young
HATEHATEHATE the lump in my throat
HATEHATEHATE the way you make me choke

Do I mean anything to you?
Is what you say, any bit of it true?
I want to cry, I want to die
And you prolong my life unwanted!

I let myself go before you
Inside and out
I will bleed before this ends
Cut me before you go

So don't apologize.
Don't waste such words on me
Don't break my heart into tiny pieces
It hurts too much to let this go
And no one's here to pick me up this time

And yet I wonder why...

I'm the one alone...