Not Knowing Poem by David Knox

Not knowing is worse...
Where to run to...
to have no one to hold you tightly and console is this not a curse?
but as for me who
do i have and whom may i turn to? whom may i trust
so many i wish to but my friendship turns to lust
my feelings melt into love
yearning for my more... when i should desire nothing...deserve no dove
deserve no one pure, for i am dirty...unclean
in this darkness my troubles teem
i drag myself deeper in to try to get to you...not knowing is worse
its a curse
not knowing if one is being ignored not knowing if what you turn to
is something that is real...not just real to you
Can you hear my voice im yelling now
i have been condemned by what i allow
sinking deeper just to have someone that i can touch
having something to turn to not being enough something to clutch
why can't i trust what saved me from the monster inside
why do i hide from Him and run to you
why do you ignore me and why do i feel ignored
why does my life not feel restored
I want to know who i am.. i want to know you too
tell me the reason we are distinct and so distant
but who can show me why i cannot trust the one who saved me, for this is not consistent