Never Wake Up Poem by Olivia Harris

i can't keep looking in the mirror
because it's ripping my insides out
because i just keep letting myself die
more and more
and it's my fault
i can't breathe
i'm holding myself down
i can't be what i want to be
i can't help my selfishness
i cry in fear and beg for God's mercy
and slump against the cheap hotel bathroom wall
i swallow exactly six handfuls of pills
because i gave the only thing i had to give
just because i thought that now that i had let go of her
nothing mattered anymore
but the nausea starts immeadiately
and the tears start to fall, more and more
and I lay down
and wonder if I will
ever wake up