My Terrible Silent Torture Poem by Diana Euyoque

How do I tell
The story of how hard I fell?
To whom do I turn to
And tell everything I've gone through?
Experiences I want to erase forever
Things I won't repeat ever.

How can I tell you about that boy?
A boy who treated me like a toy.
A boy who took advantage of what I thought him to be.
A boy who my discomfort he refused to see.
A boy who embarrassed my being.
A boy who haunts my soul and left my pride bleeding.

How can I tell you about that man?
A man who should be banned.
A man who found my weakness.
A man who thought me brainless.
A man who sent me photographs of me.
A man who held tight: not allowing me to break free.

How can I tell you about that guy?
A guy who all he did was lie.
A guy who told me I was beautiful.
A guy who said I made him cheerful.
A guy who made me feel confused.
A guy who had all to win and left me with all to lose.

How can I tell you about my father?
A father who find me to be a bother.
A father who screams to me that I'm stupid.
A father who no longer is under the spell set by cupid.
A father who I wish was gone.
A father who doesn't understand the damage he has done.

How can I tell you about those bullies?
Bullies who didn't just joke about cooties.
Bullies who made me feel meaningless.
Bullies who reassured me that I was less.
Bullies who destroyed every little hope I had for happiness.
Bullies who with their words drown me in a sea of sadness.

How can I explain this pressure?
Pressure that leaves me unsure.
Pressure that suffocates me in anxiety.
Pressure that removes me from reality.
Pressure that pushes me to be their dreams come true.
Pressure that leaves me lost with no one to turn to.

How can I explain this hatred?
Hatred that I myself dread.
Hatred that is inspired by one arrogant fool.
Hatred that yearns for me to be cruel.
Hatred that make my body shake.
Hatred that takes away my trust and inspires the idea of 'fake.'

How can I explain friendship?
Friendship that is more than just a simple relationship.
Friendship that sometimes seems to farther itself away.
Friendship that leaves when I need it to stay.
Friendship that appears to be too good to be true.
Friendship that leads me to blindly trust you.

How can I explain that fear?
Fear that no one will hear.
Fear that this pain is real.
Fear that I won't ever heal.
Fear that they will stay in my memory.
Fear that only them my heart will see.

If I explained all of this
Will you give me a chance for happiness?
If I explained my soul's ache
Will you cut me a break?
If I explained what's binding me
Will you set me free?
If I explained what going on inside my heart
Will you help me once again start?
If I explained
Will you tell me I've at least one thing gained?

Your Trust, Your Support, Your Love and Your Assurance; it all I Need.