Melancholy Girl Poem by Leah Ayliffe

I don't have much to think about anymore
I sleep through the day and night
waiting for the moon to hear me
Like she used to.

I have nothing left to say
just holding my breath on the bathroom floor
mascara running
cause I felt too much of everything.

I thought I could let it out
to let it in.
But it's just too much a burden
and no one around me really noticed
I will shut it all down
I will close up the golden gate to a fragile glass heart like before
locked and safe, pretending to be made of stone,
can't give it away to watch it drop and fall
like the china doll I am
dashed and broken all over the ground
cause there were no hands there waiting for when I let go.

Why did I do that?
When did I begin to believe in other people being kind selflessly?
How did I so freely work on a feeling that I could rely on the people I've known to hurt me time and time again - though they love me so.
Where did the strong mind wander off to, to let this chaos back in to rule my soul?
What will I do now when I know that all there is, is an endless cycle of playing lost & found, where on either end of the spectrum breathes a series of lies meant to comfort then destroy.

I think I know too well.
I think I've been here many times before,
thinking and thinking and thinking.
Remembering the only way I know how to survive
how to be okay.
Back to the masks,
the closet of identities
of who I want to be tomorrow and then next week.
no one notices anyway
the little tweaks and changes made
to conceal a soul that's sad to the core
even though she tried so hard to be the sun..
once they get their tan, they always run.

A dream I could dream such light into reality
such love into life,
a divine possibility
while sitting on the balcony
in the night watching the hot breeze dance
through palm tree silhouettes,
the ocean singing the song I know well
calling me home
to the comforts of a melancholy girl.

I thought maybe I could be the sun,
but this place brings me back to the beginning
telling me I am a daughter of the moon, ruler of the endless motion and chaos of the ocean.
Daughter of the moon, dreamer, sad singer,
blue bells and moon beams that glitter,
who sees the dawn on the horizon ready to burn.

Burn the comforts of night, home
to the melancholy girl.