Matter That Doesn'T Matter At All. Poem by Lauren Harper

Looking at pictures I see happy and carefree faces.
There are girls holding hands and elbows perfectly placed.
I look and I am filled with envy.
I wish one of those girls was me..

Walking passed lunch tabled filled to the brim with girls speaking whatever girls say to girlfriends.
matching bracelets adorn their wrists.
While I sit here alone with my fists.
Alone with my wish.

Pictures taken, pictures posted, memories created.
While I sit here like spoiled milk.
Why am I differnt?
Why can't I fit?
Did you intend that I be an experiment?
Why you watch and record the manner in which I wilt?

I watch as others speak of plans and of gatherings.
I listen as their inside jokes and laughs ring.
I sit and wait for my invitation.
I sit and wait for the day that I find my place.

Maybe I am too far gone.
Maybe I will always be on the outside looking in.
For I am nothing but space without direction.
I am matter that does not matter at all.

Other girls mingle among themselves;
describing stories of their current 'hell'.
They meet at coffee shops where they 'study' for exams.
When I sit at home wondering how in the world can I fix myself so that I might fill the mold so that I can fit in.