Mama's Girl Poem by Elvin Ruiz

mama gave up her mind
for a crown i could never have.
she taught me how to pick flowers
from scorpion tails, to smell fragrance
from poison fumes, to be sedated
from things that are too good to be true—
because this world has too much truth,
and nobody wants the truth, unless
they can use it to their advantage,
or to others disadvantage.

i am my mother's shadow: a broken mirror
of a girl wearing her mother's outgrown insecurities,
hand-me-down attention, and secondhand affection;
i am the girl who emerged from the entries
of my diary pages, where i scribbled
constellations of all the shooting stars
we wished from, where i sketched
all the moonlight we had for midnight snack,
where i wrote down all the gut-wrench
from loud sighs and muffled cries.

i was the girl who didn't know
how to chase after falling stars
or cute boys, because in my skies
stars don't fall, they just shine.
each night, i sleep to your lullabies
droning ‘you are mine'.
tonight, my bruises scream ‘too damn much'
while my eyes whisper ‘i'll be fine',
and i find myself asking
"will you love me in the morning? "