Love Was Found. Poem by Owuor Lowry

Finally
I found true love
The kind I thought was far-fetched

I found it
Or it found me.
Does it really matter?

One long, sweaty afternoon
As I was abiding by a lonesome routine
Seeking redemption in the very things that tore me apart
My wanderlust, pulling me deeper into the tunnel
And effort was...well, what effort?

I feared losing the arms that were pulling me deeper into the water
And I knew... I bloody knew
That the love I sought laid somewhere on the shore,
away from the illicit water
But willingness to move was severely lacking
The voices became more audible
Holding a tough contest in my head
With every sip..sometimes gulp,
every enormous puff of smoke, I heard,
'Lose the mask, woman! '

'You cannot.You need it;
the charade
the highness
the depression
the decomposing self-esteem,
you need it all.
You'd be nothing without the mask
You'd be zero.'
Another assured

I would laugh
Real sad laughs
Then I would disappear into the bathroom
an hour o' two.
Someone would ask and I would say
What soap do you have in there?
I think I got some of it in my eyes.
Then I would laugh again
And bow to the latter voice.

He found me
One miserable day
When eyes were bloodshot
And I had run out of tears
When suicidal ideations were palatable
And sadness O too palpable
He found me-I heard Him say,
O woman,
Are you not tired?
Haven't you had enough?
Because I am tired of watching you try
To kill everything I know you can be

Just like that, I arose
Because He had demanded so
And the bottles I lost
the ashtrays, I needed no more
So I washed my body so clean I
Felt as new as a baby
Dropped the pre-salvation mask
And I forgave myself
Decided to show me.
All He had wished I would be.

Much was lost...
Much was
But not His love, no.