Looking Back And Around Poem by Jim Boone

</>I can tell you of all the ‘first times’
But can’t recall the last
Like the first masturbation
And the last time that got the same results

The first time I knew that men ‘did it’ for me
But the last time one got me going
Is veiled in “Now let me see, hummmmm”

The first time I was told that my ‘soul-mate’
Was a ‘split personality’ tagged ‘Jimmy & James’
The day I decided (for myself) that in order
To fuse ‘them’ I must accept that ‘they’ are me
“I Am that I Am” - Imperfect, fabulous, addicted
And no longer haunted by those ‘painless’ solutions
That are not an option for eternity

The first time my wit got laughs escapes me
But the last time is quite clear
At first it was a defense tactic, but now
It comes quite naturally, like smiles and gratitude

When I first denied that I was addicted to sex
I recall when and the situation very well
Now my ‘addiction’ to sex is less troublesome
Shifting from sleaze-please to occasional volunteer

I recall quite well the ‘brain-farts’ of not
Fending off mental ‘stillness’ – The outbursts
Of rage and frightening emotions
The shopping addictions; wiping the ‘slate’ clear
So I could go out and do it again and again

The breaking away to find Life crashing down
On top of my senses, into self-commitment
A lockup that put me on the road
And the first time I recognized healing
As my neighbor and friend with
Relaxing ocean sounds: So grateful
For the place to experience this
And the people who ‘brought it on’

There’s a smile for unimportant things
That used to matter; old ‘wants’ from
Yesterday that bother me with less
And less intensity: Assaulting my dreams
Right before the morning sun
Filters into my room through the shutters
And I bid the assailants adieu, plan another trip
To ‘Goodwill’ to continue clutter removal
While relaxed in the awakening of Today.

Then, quite unexpectedly I re-discovered
A motto by which I lived in my youth
“Dream as if you will live forever”
“Live as if you will die today.”

2011