Locked Away Poem by Dani Miller

I smile, I laugh, I make jokes,
I forget everything else in the world,
The best hour of my life;
Gone after I think of my life.

I think of my two worlds...
I have friends that care about me,
Who are hundreds of miles away.
They love me, and care for me.
I talk to them almsot every day,
And they are always there.
No matter what, through everything.

Then I think of my other world,
The friends I have here,
Who are none but a few miles away.
Yes they love me, and care.
But I cant talk to them like
I can with my other friends.
I cant pour out my heart to them
And expect them to understand.

They already think Im messed up as it is.
why? I dont even know.
So I just get confused and dont know
What to do.

I have low self-esteem,
I dont think of myself as anything special.
I dont think I am pretty or beautiful
As some people say I am.
For some reason I dont have it in me
To believe what everyone thinks.

The people that live hundreds of miles away
Seem to care about me more than the people
Down the street.
See, Ive stopped eating.
And no one has noticed or even cared to help,
Other than people hundreds of miles away,
Who beg me to eat something, anything.

Everyday I think,
'Why do I do this to myself?
Not eating? Starving yourself?
What are you, crazy? '
I dont know why...
Although now it doesnt seem bad,
I mean Im actually not that hungry.
If I dont think about it.

I dont what Im doing to myself,
I am only fourteen years old,
And I have all these things going on.
They arent as bad as other peoples problems,
Which is why I never bring it up...
With anyone.

I have someone I love with all my heart,
Some odd 500 miles away.
And someone I love more than myself,
Thousands of miles across the ocean.
Being away from them hurts...
And if I think about it
I cringe in the pain.

Then I have to get over it,
Because people have it worse off than I.
Alot worse off than I do.
So I have to keep my mouth shut,
And hope no one notices that
Behind the smiles and laughs,
An airtight seal is keeping the real me
Locked away.

Written December 30th,2007