Laying It All Out Poem by Michelle Dominique Augustyn

This was not my objective to fall for you,
To take the risk and run with my heart.
To run this race and all my effort wasted,
And you blame this sh*t on me? !
You and me are not gonna move forward,
I don't know who I'm convincing here,
But you better hear this and it better sink in.
I got to move on and you better too
'Cause this ain't gonna happen, okay?
So stop all this showing off 'cause I'm confused.
Stop all your 'I'm so cool, look at me! Look at me! '
Leave me alone, I will feel worse, but I hate this state.
Confusion, illusion, frustration, and depression.
No happiness for me, and if I see the future
I am stayin' on my own, nobody for me, to be mine.
You're just another regret, it don't bother me
'Cause I've got so many of 'em.
I will miss you but I won't miss much,
There was nothing there anyway.
I am a broken person and I am unfixable.
I have never had and probably never will know
What true love is because I am just going to bring
It all down, blame me, that's how I've lived, don't try, I am too far gone, too far deep to be found.
My head controls me now, not my heart.
Just leave me in the dust 'cause I will leave you.
I won't pull through.

So my objective remains unknown
And my heart is still stone cold.
My personality may shine through, but soon
The darkness will come and demolish it
Into shreds of the filth it is.
You can try to resuscitate this, me,
But I won't try to fight with you.
Jaded is what I am
And it is better to have one jaded than two.
I want to be normal
But wants are not needs,
So I guess I need to be discovered.
I remain deep beneath the earth's safety shield,
But why does earth keep such a dangerous organism contained?
Is it to save the non-jaded?
Or is it to save the universe?

July 2010