Just Me Clearing My Head Poem by I write because I have to

How can it be that I see my way in shades of gray between the lines
are reasons why write and wrong flow through my veins
and all my mind can say stems from the pens
that stray from my mind like the thoughts from my brain
Never content to reside among the sane
or to ride along side the same
instead passing through disconnected threads of clues
of cues of what I ought to do
Footprints in the sand, hand in hand, but there's no one there but me
and with every blink and every step I think I sink 'til I'm on the brink and there's nothing left
Once I felt lifted knowing I was gifted but under the constant heat and failed retreats, I kept the reciept for the gift I must keep,
afraid to weigh the cost to exchange, instead I'll pay the price to change
Am I really so different and why don't I feel lifted?
Why can't I just dismiss it when I feel remiss and twisted?
I follow the spiral of my fingerprint. It blurs when I wave, and I'm lost in the maze.
Fluorescently filled when incandescent and still,
but when I move the glow trails off in the distance 'til I no longer glisten
but I'm no less bright, illuminating my scars
they shine like stars, constellations like stencils
so I conncect the dots and fill in the holes in my soul with a number 2 pencil.